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Feminspire | April 19, 2014

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You Need to Marry Your College Girlfriend Right Now! (A Response to a Princeton Alumna’s Letter)

You Need to Marry Your College Girlfriend Right Now! (A Response to a Princeton Alumna’s Letter)

Disclaimer: I’m sure that there are male students and alumni of Princeton University who are fantastic, well-meaning, and good-looking (and I’m even extending that option to Susan Patton’s sons). To you, please accept my warmest congratulations and my apology for any offense caused.

So now that we (the female undergraduates of America) have forgotten about having it all, or not having it all, leaning in or leaning out (but not about leaning down, because tropes in feminism come and go, but the “bend … and snap!” is forever) – here is what you all really need to know that nobody is telling you.

For years (decades, really) you have been bombarded with advice on professional advancement, landing the perfect job, marrying the perfect “hot but still cerebral and also willing to quit her job for the kids” woman, and making the kind of salary that enables you to have a nice house, a vacation home somewhere, send the kids to your alma mater (so save some extra for alumni donations when they’re seniors in high school: Princeton ranked first on the Forbes Top 100 Colleges list this year, didn’t you know?) and some left over for a boat or a Vespa or whatever. You can figure it out – you are Princeton men. If anyone can overcome those obstacles, it will be your brilliant, resourceful, privileged, very well-educated selves.

But here’s what nobody is telling you: Marry your college girlfriend. Yes, I said it. If you don’t marry her, you’ll regret it. The universe of women you can marry isn’t limitless. Not everyone will be willing to put up with your Ivy League credentials. Women aren’t interested in marrying men who are privileged, presumptuous, and flash their undergraduate credentials like an FBI badge. It’s amazing how forgiving women can be about a man’s lack of a fancy degree if he’s any combination of good-looking, kind, decent, funny, passionate about things, and great in bed. Smart men can’t (and shouldn’t) marry women who aren’t aware of the environment that created their inflated sense of self.

It’s not your fault! You have been told you are the sole inheritor of god’s green earth since you first set foot on campus (and, realistically, in most cases, long before that as well). As Princeton men, you have been a victim of price inflation in the dating market. Simply put, there is a very limited population of women (mostly those who attended other Ivies) who are willing to look over massive egos that are unmatched by James Franco-esque looks or Mark Zuckerberg-esque real world money making potential. You will never again be surrounded by this concentration of women who will put up with you.

Of course once you graduate you will meet women who will put up with you – just not that many of them. And, of course, you could choose to marry a woman who hates your guts (it makes you a “starter husband”, I believe.) But, ultimately, it will frustrate you to be with someone who wasn’t conditioned to think that you walk on water.

Here is another truth that you know, but nobody is talking about: You’re not that good-looking. It isn’t your fault. But the good news is this: As you age, you get more social capital. No one’s sure why. But you will have a chance with girls, as a senior, that you would never have been able to speak to as a freshman. Take advantage of those Princeton goggles, boys! After four years the women around you have been so numbed that a relative “5” looks like an “8.” You got this!

So, no, most of you will never be my boyfriend. But I don’t think either of us really wants that, anyway.

Written by Samantha B. Jaffe
Member of the Class of 2013 (not at Princeton)
Boston, M.A.

Read the original “Letter to the Editor: Advice for the young women of Princeton: the daughters I never had,” published in The Daily Princetonian, which encouraged women to “Find a husband on campus before you graduate,” specifically, her son.

Photo courtesy of Nicholas Turner

  • toosmart

    someone seem mad

  • http://www.facebook.com/guffy.xux Steve Smith

    Oh goody lets bash men from ivy league schools! Also why would I want to marry my girlfriend anyway when I have zero incentive to?

    • http://twitter.com/k_nerd Kayla Rae

      Oh my goodness gracious, can you really not tell that this is satire?

      This author bashing the idiotic letter and REAL ADVICE given to Princeton women by Susan Patton. They were told that their future success and happiness depended upon the man they married, so they needed to get married now since no one outside of Princeton would take them. They were told that their intelligence and success would be off putting to men, and that Princeton women had “almost priced [them]selves out of the market.”

      This is a response to a letter that told some of the smartest and most successful young women in the country that, without the right man, their futures would be unsuccessful.

      This article is not bashing men. This is just a tiny, insignificant, distant glimpse into the absolute shit women have to put up with every single day.

      But you’re right. How dare she?

      • http://www.facebook.com/guffy.xux Steve Smith

        Maybe she should have made it clear it was satire. As its not always clear. But its all good bash away.