You Go, Single Girl! (The Ultimate Guide To Getting Over It)
So, you dumped them. You’re alone again and your heart is echo-ey. Total reason to let the tears fall…right? Right?
No way. I don’t even know you, but I’m your Fairy Godmother, here to provide you with a few projects to keep you busy and a few encouragements that will make the days fly by while your heart mends.
First off, let’s go over a few reasons you freaking rock:
1. You are single. You have the opportunity to connect with so many singles who are in awesome places in their lives, with no commitment necessary. You can make friends, more than friends, all without needing to devote a lot of time and energy to one person consistently.
2. You are you. Pause for a moment. Realize all the little intricacies of your life that all combine and add up to create the unique individual that you are – that time you fell down and scraped your knee, your first kiss, and yes, even this most recent upset in your love life. All of these things add up to create an absolutely irreplaceable person.
3. You will move on (and we’ll help ya get there!). You’ve probably done it before with previous lovers – and even if you haven’t, realize that other people have. This may feel like the absolute end of the world, but there is so much time and space that will separate you from that person (and even from the person you are today).
4. You have people on your side. Who was the first person you told about the breakup? Most likely, they were sympathetic. Now as you navigate your life, you’ll keep gaining supporters who will continue to boost you up and get you through the hard days.
5. You have other things to worry about. Sorry, but it’s true. Little Lassie isn’t going to feed himself, the pile of papers you’re behind on at work isn’t going to sort through itself… This isn’t the end of your life, and it definitely isn’t the end of the lives of those around you. Buck up, carry on. You have shit to do.
Now, for some things to keep you busy. These are all for people at different stages in getting over their ex, so choose your “projects” carefully.
1. Find some quotations that will get you through. This is for people for whom the breakup is fresh. Be sure to choose quotes that don’t pull you back into a cycle of thinking about your ex (yes, they are referred to as your “ex” now!), so don’t go with lyrics from “your song.” Choose something upbeat, happy, and something that reminds you of all the wonderful things you have going for you. If pictures work better (pictures of your friends, Little Lassie, etc), use those instead!
2. Dive into service. You know that thing you always wanted to do when you were with your ex, but never had time to do? Maybe it’s animal rights activism. Maybe it’s getting Obama the hell out of office (though if it is, expect me to sincerely disagree with you). Maybe it’s something more personal, like gathering up some family recipes into a cookbook. Get off your butt and do your project! You’ve got nothing but time, and doing something fulfilling will only make you feel better.
3. Figure out what didn’t work. This is a more advanced project that should be saved for when you’re past the “I just want to get back together!” stage. Spend some time truly reflecting on what worked in your relationship – and what didn’t. Think about all the things that pissed you off about your partner, and figure out what you may need from someone else in the future. This is a great step to self-awareness, and can be really empowering when done correctly and at the right point after a breakup!
4. Make memories with someone new. This is something I’m thinking about doing with the next person I date seriously. Once you’ve found someone with potential, start actively putting together some way of memorialising the time you spend with them. One version of this is a scrapbook. Take pictures together, write little blurbs about the time you spend together…be really creative, but make sure you document special events in your dating life. If this is someone who could be around for a long time, you’ll be glad to have these memories to look back on!
Hopefully now you’re feeling a little less apocalyptic. Remember to seize on this newfound opportunity, and while you do get to spend some time looking back on the past, be sure to keep your feet planted firmly in the present.
Do you have any tips of your own for how to get over a relationship? Share them in the comments!
Written by Becky Havens