Why Can’t Curly Hair Be Sexy, Too?

When I was younger, I despised my hair. My hair had been straight when I was little, but around age 12, it mysteriously started turning very curly. This event was not only very confusing, but I had no idea what to do with this monster that had made itself at home on my head. I didn’t know anyone with hair like mine—all my classmates ironed out the last trace of curl from their hair. Avril Lavigne was my idol (because I was sooo punk rock, obviously), and she exemplified the stylish hairstyle of the time—hair that was straight-ironed relentlessly until it was as flat as the Texas plains. For most of my classmates, this look was easy to achieve. It was a few minutes with a straight iron every day. For me, it required a chemical relaxer that was terrible for my hair, and even then, I averaged about eight hours a week with the flat iron. (Eventually I let my hair go natural again, for fear of becoming bald and losing all my fingers to flat iron burns.)

Right after my hair got curly. Can’t you see the confusion in my eyes?

Although the Avril Lavigne straw-hair isn’t in style anymore, neither are my curls. In our society, straight hair is the norm, and anyone with curly or natural hair is the anomaly. Curly hair is something that stands out. Straight hair is generally more desired—it’s smooth, it’s shiny, it’s easy. When you open a magazine that proclaims to give you great hair tips, said tips are for people with straight/wavy hair (i.e. people who can use a brush without completely ruining their look). When was the last time you saw a curly-headed lady in a shampoo commercial? Curls just aren’t part of our society’s conventional ideas about beauty.

For one, curly hair isn’t generally seen as sexy. My poofy hair has often been compared to a poodle—fancy, perhaps, but not sexy. After I went blond, numerous people told me my hair reminded them of ramen noodles. I mean, really? Clearly, neither of those things is very sexy or attractive, especially when they’re on one’s head. I’ve never seen a magazine ad campaign or bombshell actress that rocked curly hair. Once, I straightened my hair for a Halloween costume and an acquaintance told me, “You are way hotter with straight hair.” First of all, he had no business giving me his assessment of my appearance (like I would care what he thought), and second of all, WTF?! Why can’t curly hair be attractive? Because it bounces instead of swooshes? Because it’s fun? I am going to have not-so-politely disagree with that dude and everyone else who says that straight hair is “hotter.”

Oftentimes, too, curly hair isn’t seen as professional. I know that I’ve gone into job interviews nervous because my hair was acting particularly frizzy that day. My hair is the last thing I want to be judged on in a job interview; yet, our Anglo societal standards have deluded me into thinking that my hair looks silly and not suitable for the workplace. But it’s my hair. I can’t help it. The stuff sprouts from my head like this! Of course it’s professional. Just because executives on TV don’t have curly hair doesn’t mean curly ladies aren’t awesome at their jobs.

I love curly hair! And I can assure you, there isn’t a shortage of people out there who also love curly hair—I get compliments on mine all the time. But yet, mysteriously enough, the small group of people who decide what is beautiful and acceptable only seems to embrace straight, sleek hair (or at the most, wavy hair). I want to see a curly-haired actress playing the femme fatale instead of the overly awkward (and usually bespectacled) geek. I want to see ad campaigns featuring big hair. Really, I just want our society to open its arms to all different types of beauty. And I think a lot of curly ladies would agree with me.

Do you think curly hair is treated differently in society? What are your experiences with having curly hair? Leave us a comment and share!

Reader submission by Kirsten Darner

sally

love it! power to curly hair I find adding in some curls with a curler helps to pull the look together
Alyssa

I absolutely love this article, Kirsten! I had pretty straight hair until puberty as well, and when the curls came in I had absolutely no idea how to work with them. My awkward pre-teen and teenage years were made much worse by uncontrollable and confusing hair. It was a hard thing to battle; even though people sometimes told me they were jealous of my hair, I never believed them. I saw conflicting opinions everywhere, especially from the boys who laughed at me in class and in the media. It seemed every makeover on TV transformed a dorky curly-haired girl into a beautiful straight-haired young woman. Slumber partiers often devoted a few hours to straightening my hair. Everywhere I looked something was telling me that the way my hair looked was wrong. My self-image definitely took a hit with this.

My hair is kind of calmed down since those years, and the curls are much looser and easier to manage, but I still feel different than straight-haired people. I normally call them “normal haired” because the textures of our hair are so different! I hear people say they have curly hair because they have beautiful, loose, Zooey Deschanel-like curls. To me, that is not curly hair–that is normal hair that holds a curl! That hair looks more beautiful with a brush run through it rather than a gigantic volumized mess. Fighting frizz is an everyday battle that most people don’t have to deal with, at least not to the extreme you and I do.

Although they seem minor, there are battles to be fought with curly hair! You brought up so many things I’ve felt but hadn’t put together–especially the way curly hair tends to be deemed unprofessional or messy. Hopefully this will change some day and we can all embrace the variety curly hair takes! Although my hair has changed through the years, I’ve yet to see anyone with my type of curls at any stage of their curliness (wow, what an awkward sentence). You and I would be definitely be classified as having curly hair, yet our curls look completely different! That is one thing I love about the curly-headed!
Sully

I love this article so much! So it may be hard to tell form my profile picture because I did a pulled back hairstyle that day, but I have really curly hair, too. When I was growing up, my mother always straightened it (I grew up in Panama, a country where humidity makes straight hair really impractical but where people still treat it like the only option anyway), but when I was a teenager I decided I’d had enough of that. It took a really long time to straighten it and I began to feel that straightening it all the time meant I felt like I wasn’t naturally beautiful.

It was pretty damaged from all the years of straightening, it was chemically straightened AND it had to be blown dry each time I washed my hair for it to be straight. So at first it wasn’t pretty, and a lot of people (including my parents) tried to pressure me into straightening it again, but I held out and now, about 7 years later, my curls are really beautiful. I don’t even straighten it occasionally anymore because I just love it so much more when it’s curly.

And I’ve also learned that there’s so much that I can do with it, not just wear it down all the time. You’re right, there’s not a lot of curly hair role models (just Taylor Swift, really), but I realized that just because the girl doing the hair tutorials on YouTube has straight hair doesn’t mean that I can’t try it and rock it with my curly hair.
Ariel

My younger sister has super crazy, long, thick curly hair that she hides away in either a braid or a bun because people tease her about it (she just started high school). She also does dance, and for her performances, her strict dance studio requires specific hairstyles. In order for my sister to wear these hairstyles, she has to spend about an hour and a half + the time of blow drying it, straightening her hair. When she wears her hair curly, her dance teacher tells her to straighten it. This just crushes my sister’s self-esteem even more because it brings up the issue of chemical relaxers, which my parents won’t let her have. Society’s obsession with straight hair sucks.

Unlike my sister, I have learned to live with my curly hair, and deal with it. My hair is natural, it takes 5 minutes to style in the morning with some mousse, and people always compliment it. When I was in elementary school, I went home crying a time or two because kids would bully me about it.

When I look for hair ideas, it is difficult finding them for my hair type. French braiding my hair is a disaster unless I’ve straightened it. You are right about magazines giving hair tips for straight hair.

Curly hair girls might as well wear it curly, because hot tools damage your hair, and besides, I think curly hair is sexy hair.
- http://twitter.com/kirstencorinne Kirsten Darner
  
  That is so upsetting to hear about your sister! I can’t believe her dance teacher is so harsh about her hair. It sounds like you’re a great role model for embracing curly hair though!
Hellaw

Oh, is this just the story of my life… I do think that a lot of movie stars etc. may also have straight hair, because, as you say, it is easier. Want to film 2 scenes in one day? No problem! Brush through that hair, and part it on a different side, you’re a brand new person. But curly hair? Lol, nope! It takes careful planning and a good bout of luck to have it rise to the occasion. But then again, they bother with so much else, so why not doing the hair? I can’t name a single celeb who celebrates truly curly hair, and statistically, that is just unlikely that none of them have it :b Hence, why so many magazines with hair tips, who often focus on copying styles from the red carpet, don’t include curls. So what to do with a head like mine?
http://sphotos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/64358_10150585527241720_37138640_n.jpg
http://sphotos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/223730_2295625867383_3484888_n.jpg
http://sphotos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/23458_1424521891885_63949_n.jpg
- http://twitter.com/kirstencorinne Kirsten Darner
  
  your hair is lovely!
- http://www.facebook.com/jennyholzer Jenny Holzer
  
  You have *gorgeous* hair! I wish mine was that thick with curls that well formed!!
http://www.feminspire.com/ Jess Mary

my hair is curly and sexy as fuck whatever SOCIETY
- http://twitter.com/kirstencorinne Kirsten Darner
  
  HELL YES
Mary

There absolutely needs to be a distinction made between black hair and the curly hair of white folk because there is a massive difference; I find it inappropriate to use that header image for an article that doesn’t apply to the hair of black women, nor even mentions the racial components of “hair politics.”
- Sully
  
  I do think the header image was misleading. The topic of black women and their hair really interests me (I even did my Master’s thesis about it), and I know it’s a much more complicated issue than just feeling that curly hair is unsexy. But I’m glad this article exists, because before I felt like I was the only non-black woman who had struggled with finding acceptance for her hair.
- joyce
  
  agreed
- http://www.facebook.com/rhiannonmarypayne Rhiannon Payne
  
  Hi Mary, thanks for expressing your concerns! We apologize, the image choice was poorly thought out and we will be changing it. We have another article in the works about non-white women’s hair and society, which I hope you’ll check out when it’s online.
  - http://www.facebook.com/alicia.potter2 Alicia V. Perez
    
    I completely agree with Mary. Thank you for changing it, it was really distasteful.
- http://twitter.com/kirstencorinne Kirsten Darner
  
  I did not in any way intend to imply that my hair and the hair of black women are at all the same. It is certainly not my place to talk about those issues or presume to know anything about them. The header was a poor choice, thank you for bringing it to our attention!
http://www.facebook.com/swashbucklingforcharity Sarah Merrill

I would love out-of-control curly hair. I’ve got thick hair that’s straight but consistently, no matter what, bends up at the ends. Think unattractive fifties housewife.
MissElyssa

I had the same problems when I was younger–the minute my hair started going curly at thirteen, it became my goal and life to hide it by using a flat iron. This meant getting up two and a half hours early before the bus came every day to straighten it. It took me pretty much up until I got to college to realize that my hair is fantastic. It makes me different and unique, and I look better with curly hair anyhow. My last boyfriend had a huge thing for my hair–he told me that the first time he saw me, he was fascinated by my hair, and thought it was gorgeous. So maybe the rest of the world’s opinion is starting to change, just a little, now that we curly girls are coming out.
http://twitter.com/lauralouisekent Clive Warren

As someone who has straightened their curly hair into submission every single day for about four years now, I found this article really interesting. I feel so attached to having straight hair (even though I actually don’t), no one sees me without it and I feel far more ~me~ than when it’s curly, but I have no idea why?
Olivia

I have curly long brown hair. When I was younger in middle school, I straightened it to magically befriend the popular girls. Somehow I decided that curly hair is cool. I noticed a lot of gorgeous people, older than I was then, with curls and waves. I was jealous of them.
I wear my hair curly all the time now, and get compliments all the time for it. I don’t get jealous of straight hair, or most hair. I never feel judged for my hair, but it’s cool to have come across this article today.
I’ve never felt judged by society for my hair. I’ve never seen anyone judged for theirs either. A lot of women say “You’re lucky you don’t have to curl it. I’d be working for hours to get my hair to look like yours.” Some buisness women have curls, some don’t.
Straight hair can sometimes be a trend, and curls can be too. But the thing about curls, no matter what the current style, it that they’re awesome-like how did head science even allow my scalp to do this but not someone elses? I’m a pretty cool gal.
Jay

It was so strange reading this because nearly every point contradicted what I’ve found to be true in my life. I certainly respect your opinions on and experience in this subject, but I have had very positive experiences with curly hair! I have only straightened my hair twice in the past 5 or so years. I love my curly hair- in fact, I wished every day when I was younger that my hair would turn curly, and it did, just as you described, when I was around 12. Perhaps this is because my mom has crazy curly hair, so I have grown up in a curl-positive household, but I think it’s more than that. I haven’t received as many compliments as I have on my hair on anything else, and I’m not even talking about good hair days. Boys have told me that it’s sexy because it’s more alive, more wild. It seems to me that many commercials have curly hair, and yes, some of them are the “straight hair that can hold a curl”, but there are also some legitimately curly ones. I think people are beginning to see unique things like curly hair that used to be traits to suppress and try to make normal as awesome, special gifts that make you who you are!

Maybe I’m just being overly optimistic, though
Loo

Hey Kirstin, I know exactly what you mean, although my experience has been a little different. When I was a teenager (in the 90s), I loved my big curly hair and got lots of compliments on it. I got lots of attention from boys too. Nowadays, I don’t get that many compliments and have noticed that I get a lot more attention from men when I straighten my hair. I think the issue is that naturally curly hair is not really seen in the media anymore. In the 90s, there were lots of actresses and singers e.g. Minnie Driver, Nicole Kidman, Mariah Carey, Keri Russell, etc, that wore their hair curly. Now, you rarely see it – the only time you see curly hair is when it is created using a curling iron. I long for the days when naturally curly hair is in fashion again! I think some celebrities like Beyonce are helping with our cause, so hopefully it won’t be too long. But….I’m still going to wear my hair curly in the meantime – stuff them!!
Jenn

I have super curly hair too, and from time to time I’ll straighten it for a different look, but I always get so many compliments on my curls! Who the eff cares what magazines think, they’re all photoshopped anyways…
tripetta

I always hated my curls for similar reasons. So I shaved ‘em off. Hoo. Talk about backlash. Well, as young women, I suppose we owe it to society at large to ‘frame our face’ in a way that random old people in the supermarket agree with.
BossyBookworm

I have spent my life trying to get my slightly curly hair to curl more, and will never ever understand the desire for stick straight hair. Who wants to be boring! ?
Pingback: мертвое море
Pingback: Godaddy or Enom
Pingback: link
Pingback: Nancey Doremus
Pingback: amidoazobenzol actinodrome camleteen
Pingback: Rev Genes
sarah_m_g

I have wavy-ish hair that I wish had more curl to it! I haven’t straightened my hair in nearly a year. I get way more compliments when I dry my hair with a diffuser to enhance the waviness than I do when I wear it straight. I actually love how messy and everywhere it is when I wear it wavy. Who cares if it never looks the same way twice? Perfection is almost always boring…or maybe even always boring.
Pingback: jacksonville landscaping contractor
Pingback: cheap car insurance in florida
Pingback: Hillview Peak Layout
Pingback: Click Here
Pingback: Elvis story Montreal
Pingback: go now
Pingback: sydney video production
Pingback: Michelin Pilot Sport
Alice

I disagree with everything about this article! Curly hair is much more valued as beautiful from what I see. You never look at straight hair as striking or interesting or beautiful. Pretty, shiny, maybe. But curly hair turns heads and also anyone can get straight hair with enough work. But only very volumous straight-haired girls can even come close to getting curls.

One of my best friends has SUPER crazy wild curly hair and 85% of the time when I am with her in public, she gets a compliment from a stranger about it.
Pingback: Computer Fixing
Pingback: argan oil
Pingback: אירוח אתרים
Pingback: garcinia cambogia side effects
Pingback: easy1personalpaydayloans.com/
Pingback: google-pagerank-checker.blogspot.com
Pingback: la digital dentistry reviews
Pingback: Orlando drunk driving attorney
Pingback: Nitto Trail Grappler MT
Pingback: click this
Pingback: tree service
Pingback: Orlando drunk driving attorney
Pingback: vakantiehuis
Pingback: attorney cancer lawyer mesothelioma settlement
Wendybird

I’m always telling my curl haired friends this, ALL THE FREAKING TIME! Lucky people.
Pingback: consignment store
Pingback: hostgator
Victoria Grant

Omg thank you! My hair was always wavy when I was younger but all the sudden went curly around 10, however we didn’t know that for another 2 years when I cut all my hair off. Endless to say I feel your pain. However I have had lots of people say I gorgeous curly hair and all.