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Feminspire | April 16, 2014

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Why Are Girls Called “Sluts” But Guys Are “Just Having Fun”?

Why Are Girls Called “Sluts” But Guys Are “Just Having Fun”?

What does it mean to be a “slut”? By Merriam-Webster’s definition it’s an “especially promiscuous woman,” and often synonymous with being called a prostitute. This term, of course, applies only only to the female gender and is highly subjective across many known dictionaries. There are also words specifically for those of the male gender using this definition, but more often than not, the words do not share the same connotation, meaning that they don’t share the same level of shame by association. The word “slut” is utilized as an offensive term of disparagement, singularly directed at those of the female gender.

But who is to decide what an excess level of promiscuity may be? How many is too many partners? And most importantly, is this even a word we should even attribute value to?

Sexual promiscuity has always been an issue that concerns reputation and self-esteem for women. Men have generally viewed female promiscuity as how many people someone has slept with.

A woman who openly enjoys sex and is as casual about it in the same way that many men are should not have her worth demeaned and assessed by the general public just because of her gender. “Slut” has become a common term for women who enjoy casual sex. Calling someone a slut does not only sort them into a sexist perspective of thought, but it also lessens the worth of women by attaching a stigma to their actions but not to the same actions being carried out by men. You can’t have two people of the opposite gender performing the same set of actions, but attach a negatively contorted label of “slut” to only one of those genders. It just doesn’t make sense.

When people begin assessing fewer sex partners with being more respectable, people whose desires are outside those boundaries have to either trade in their desires in order to be accepted and respected within society, or simply face the backlash of having those desires fulfilled. Labeling someone a slut based on their sexual expression does not only label someone based on the outward expression, but it also takes away from what might be causing this type of outward expression, such as how the person is being prompted. How we perceive people coined with the term slut really conceals the character within the person in question.

Image courtesy of Olivia Harris/Reuters

As blogger Charlie Glickman put it best:

Slut-shaming collapses the complexity of another person onto a single dimension. But even more so, given how slut-shaming is used to control and shame all women regardless of their sexual practices or desires, it conflicts directly with respecting them. If you say that you respect women, then you need to respect all women, no matter how many sexual partners she has, her relationship choices, or how she enjoys sex. Otherwise, you’re saying that your respect is something that someone has to buy. I don’t think that that’s really respect at all.

Slut-shaming the female gender also empowers the hypocritical notion that when men behave in a promiscuous manner with no stigma or negativity attached, they are just trying to enjoy their own sexuality. Allowing men to behave in a similar manner without all of the societal implications degrades a woman for her sexual liberation. Degrading someone’s confidence in their sexuality as well as their expression of sexuality by slut-shaming them degrades the female gender as a whole.

Next time you hear about the girl next door sleeping around with one “too many” men, you might want to rethink judging her on her outward expression and instead try to connect with the inward expression of what prompted her to do so. Perhaps she was having a summer fling, or maybe it was at attempt at failed romance, or perhaps it was done in or out of love; all the same, these are choices made out of sexual expression and personal choice and not ones that should be seen as shameful.

Written by Angelica Alvarez
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Opinions stated in our editorials do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Feminspire and it’s staff as a whole, but instead reflect the opinions of the writer.

  • Abigail Lewis

    This idea of outward ‘promiscuity’ being far less important than inner ‘prompt’ is something I haven’t seen before, and it’s a fascinating one. You’re so right. As humans we obsess over what motivated who to do what but when it comes to ‘sluts’, many people ignore motivation and focus irrationally on action.

  • Connor

    Because it’s very, very easy for a woman to find sexual partners, where as it is hard to find one being a male. The same logic can be held here.
    It’s easier for women to get sex partners for men, so if she’s doing it, she’s a slut. It’s easier for men to do physical labour than for women, so if he isn’t, he’s less of a man. Thes lables don’t just come off from sexist descrimination, it comes from the ability to do acts with ease compared to the other group.
    If a woman fits under the definition of the word slut, then she’s a slut. That word has always been around, and just because you find it degrading doesn’t change it’s definition and if you come under it or not.
    If I see a man acting like a “slut”, then I would call him a man-whore, or a man-slut, it’s simple. The irritating part is that females like this are barely called sluts anymore. Sometimes they’re called easy to get, which in a lot of cases is true, and even then if it’s true women will get irritated. In my experience, I have witnessed far more women call other women sluts than I have seen men call women sluts, yet all the blame for this “slut” name calling goes to men for women calling eachother it? If you want to see the reason why being called a slut is as popular as it is (not that popular from my experience) then look to the women you are supporting, because they are the primary reasons for it continuing.
    Not only that, it goes against all logic that men would insult women that are more available to sex, so why would they insult them?

    Main point in short: Don’t blame the male gender for what the female gender are the primary cause of.

    • Vita

      Your “logic” and reasoning is so far off base I don’t even know where to begin. But how about to start, don’t make these sweeping generalizations about what men and women can and can’t do with ease.
      Your attitude is a perfect example of how “the male gender” can’t accept and acknowledge the constant demoralizing language and behavior they perpetuate. You are a MAN – you have no authority to talk about how the word “slut” affects women, let alone deny that your gender is the primary cause of it’s negative connotation.

      • Connor

        Vita, I would actually accept your counter argument if you actually begun to explain “why” my logic is “far off” instead of just stating it is with different wordings two to three times.
        I’m a man, so therefor I can’t observe or make an accurate conclusion on the negative points women have, such as calling eachother sluts? Then who are you to say that you can do that to males?
        Ofcourse, I am no fool, I knew exactly the reaction I would get here, I knew exactly that there wouldn’t be much, if any, women taking responsibility for things they are just as guilty for.
        Don’t underestimate the ability of empathy and observation. No, women are not some unknown species that males can’t understand, we can assume to know how something feels due to empathy or our own experiences with things that run under the same angle with great accuracy.
        It isn’t a generalization, it is a simple fact. I like how you are sitting there saying that I am a man, so I can’t know what it’s like to be in a certain situation for a woman, yet you are implying you know that it isn’t easy for a female to find a male willing to have sex with them. As a male, I can inform you due to observation and personal interest, women can get sex if they just ask a man. “You are a “WOMAN” – you have no authority to talk about how men would react to simply being asked for sexual activity”.
        Ofcourse, in your mind the same logic I just used against you only works if it’s in your favour, right? I have no doubt that even though I used the exact same logic, that one gender can’t know the feelings, etc, of the other, you will say that the logic I used (your logic) is bogus.
        It is not a generalization to say what men and women can do with ease, especially when it runs in roots with our primal nature and biology, the same nature we have today. Men are stronger than women, so if they can’t do something that involves physical labour, they’re not as impressive as the men that can (assuming they have the same intellect). Women can get sex easier, I know this myself simply due to observation, and being a man, that if asked bluntly, the answer would be yes.
        I can deny, and I have full “authority” to deny that something “your” gender is responsible for is giving the gender I belong to a negative look. Who are you to say I have no authority to deny something that obviously isn’t true? You think simply because you have a vagina that I am to just accept what you say? Sorry, it doesn’t work that way. I wouldn’t act that way to a man, nor will I act that way to a woman.
        I have no objections that these definitions and words, such as “slut” came from males, I do however dissagree that they are the group using the term the most, especially given that I was raised amongst women most of my life and experienced first hand how negative women are to others of the same gender.

        Don’t simply say my logic is wrong, you need to explain why my logic is wrong,

        • Jess Mary

          Hi Connor,

          First of all, I think it’s just as damaging when women call women sluts–and very often it is a woman calling another woman a slut! Women can be agents of a sexist society too. It’s important to realize that critically examining our culture to figure out how sexism (and racism, homophobia, etc.) is at play there does not mean we have to create a men vs women who-will-be-the-scapegoat type situation.

          I would like to know what justification you have for the statement that it’s very easy for women to get sexual partners whereas it’s hard for men. Maybe it’s easy for leggy thin charming women, but certainly we can agree that it’s not productive to think about only the stereotypically beautiful women (or the stereotypically beautiful men)–unless you’re trying to argue that only women who are actress-level deserve to have sex (and I really don’t think/hope that’s what you’re arguing.)

          I know you said ‘your observations’ but I’d like to know more before you use that! I have just as many observations of the opposite being true!

          And even if you’re right, why does it matter? If something’s easy, does that necessarily mean it’s wrong and we should be less respected for that? Are you trying to argue that the reason why a man getting a ton of sexual partners is something laudable is because he has to work for it, whereas a woman has to work hard to NOT sleep around, so we need to celebrate her when she doesn’t give in?

          That doesn’t make sense to me. Please explain your logic. :)

          • Connor

            I completely agree. It is appauling, but instead of trying to use one group as a scapegoat (even when they aren’t the primary cause of it) doesn’t do anything to solve the problem. I believe that instead of using the maine group of people doing it as a scapegoat, we need such people to take responsibility and notice what they’re doing. Once that is done, work as a whole to stop it happening, not just for insults directed to women, but specific insults directed to any specific group of people.

            I personally see it as very easy for a woman to get a male sex partner just by bluntly asking. Men have higher sex drives than women, and they are more sex driven than females, it’s been part of the male gender since our primal stage.
            I believe that most males will have sex with any female (aslong as they aren’t in any very unhealthy state) as long as it doesn’t result in a long time relationship. Think about it. Something you want, yet don’t need to take responsibility for a long time to get, surely you would want it if it’s that easy to get, right?
            I’m not saying all men will, obviously not all men will, but I believe most men will.
            I am unsure of what you were saying there about actress level women only allowed to have sex, although that is definetly not what I think, obviously anyone should be allowed sex (aslong as it’s not forced).

            Just because something is easy doesn’t make it wrong, obviously not, but that doesn’t mean that easy th ings can’t be wrong to do. To a sociopath, killing someone can be easy – wrong.
            To a nice, freidnly person, helping someone across the street can be easy – good thing to do.
            I think having sex with too many partners is a bad thing for both genders. A one time fling can result in a pregnancy, and then that could lead to single parenthood or a child being brought in to a family surrounding that isn’t stable and was brought upon by a one night stand.

            I like to use this saying – “Understandable, but not excusable”. I think it’s understandable for men to have more sexual partners due to their sex drive, I don’t find it acceptable, though. Same goes for both genders.

          • Jess Mary

            I don’t think that it’s as easy for a woman to get a male sex partner as you think. MAYBE it’s true that she can just bluntly ask, but we’re conditioned not to do that. If you polled a bunch of women, I bet you would find that a vast majority are terrified to approach a man about a drink, let alone sex! Why? Because women are conditioned to feel like they need to be chased–or else they’re sluts. As a woman, I can honestly say that it’s not as easy as you think. So let’s throw out the easy/not easy argument–it’s interesting from a philosophical point of view, but not relevant. Not to be blunt, but I think your argument is based on the idea that women can easily get sex, which is not true, or at least most women feel like it’s not true. Samantha Jones from Sex and the City is not the kind of person who is typical of female sexuality.

            Seems like what you’re promoting is safe, responsible sex. Great, me too! I just don’t think the number of partners matters–rather, how you behave yourself is.

            Let me propose a scenario to you: you’re a young virgin who falls in love with the handsome young lead singer of a rock group. He goes on tour a lot, but he calls you every day, and when you’re together, he’s wonderful. You have sex without a condom. You get pregnant, and you find out that he’s been using IV drug needles and has HIV. Now you’re infected, he’s infected, your baby might be infected. You can get irresponsibly pregnant no matter how much you love someone/how “respectable” your sex is. The way to decrease unwanted pregnancies isn’t by stigmatizing promiscuity–it’s by education about safe sex.

          • Dingobabies

            If an average women asks 50 straight bachelors
            If they would like to have sex 50 of them will say yes. Vice versa the average man would be labeled a creep and maybe get 1 out of the 50 to say yes. Its not that difficult of a concept to understand. I know this because myself and all the available bachelors i know would say yes(if you didnt your sexuality would be questioned), because female
            Escorts are a bustling buisness and have never heard of a male escort, and because porn websites have sdvertisements for websites regarding unattractive women who want nsa sex. I really dont understand what is so difficult for you to comprehend.

          • Kundah

            conjecture. show me empirical research please? I would not label a man asking for sex a ‘creep’ unless he was creepy.

            Also, I think it is really sad that if a man refuses sex his sexuality would be questioned. I’ve not expereinced it or observed it in my life but wow, this should be addressed if it is happening, how awful.

          • Ann

            I think a man being labeled a creep has more to do with how he behaves and not for the act of asking. If a man acts like a ‘creep’ (leers at a woman, gets into her personal space, touches w/o permission, etc.) this gives the impression he doesn’t respect her.

            Men tend to be much stronger than women and a man and woman are usually alone during sex. Therefore, a woman will naturally shy away from a man who gives the impression he won’t respect her wishes when it comes to sex.

            To put it in perspective, let’s say a huge man who’s easily twice as strong as you and who you have no chance of defending yourself against gives you the impression he’s going to bugger you whether you want him to or not. Would you want to be alone with this man?

          • Sara

            Actually, the reason women can often just walk up to a guy and get sex by asking, is because guys are not under heavy pressure not to appear “slutty”. The reason a guy will most likely not get sex just by asking, is because women are conditioned by society to be both very cautious, and very “ladylike”.

        • Abigail Lewis

          Hi Connor,

          I agree with you that you have every right to offer your opinion and your gender doesn’t change that, but I also have a few questions about some of your objections to the article.

          I don’t think the article denies that there are women who have a lot of sex with a lot of different men. There ARE women who have a lot of sex with a lot of different men, and there are men who have a lot of sex with a lot of different women. You have observed that kind of behaviour more often in women, I and some other commenters have witnessed it more in men – that’s because we all come from different countries/areas/societies/systems/classes etc. ‘Women find it easier to get sex than men’, while it might be an honest observation of yours and I wouldn’t accuse you of lying, is still a generalisation because you (and any other single human) only know a very limited cross section of people. Do you think a woman who lives in a society/belief system that prohibits sex for women before marriage finds it easy to ‘get sex’? Yet she too would be branded a ‘slut’ for doing so. Feminism is a transnational movement and, regardless of the restrictions placed on women, the word slut and its equivalents are prevalent all over the globe, and that’s worrying.

          What I personally found so stimulating about this article was that it came out and said yes, promiscuity exists in both genders, and it’s not always the healthiest thing. But it’s also unhealthy to brand anyone anything negative for these outward expressions without trying to understand their inner motivations. Men are often able to justify sexual promiscuity with all sorts of semi-valid biological theories – although this too would be sexist since both men and women have a huge number of diverse reasons for entering sexual relationships.

          Finally, you compare the premise of this article to the idea that men are less respected if they are unable to carry out extensive physical labour. You seem to argue that that situation is socially accepted, so this one should be too. But in making that argument you accept that situation yourself, even though you clearly disagree with it. Why should men be stigmatised for lack of physical strength? It’s ridiculous, and I’m sure everyone who reads/writes for this site would agree with you – in fact, I’m sure you’d be welcome to write that article as a comparison article on this very site. Men shouldn’t be called pussies and women shouldn’t be called sluts. Neither justifies the other.

          • Abigail Lewis

            Oh one final point I forgot to make! A lot of your argument rests on the idea that women who act like sluts, are sluts and should be called sluts. But this ignores that the word ‘slut’ is bandied around to plenty of girls who aren’t sexually promiscuous at all. The word was used about me before I’d ever even had sex. ‘Slut’ is used to describe a girl based on how she dresses, talks to people, whatever. Women use it in anger over flirtation with someone they’re with, men often use it defensively when they’ve been unable to get a girl. ‘Slut’ has become so generalised that it’s used in a variety of hurtful and damaging ways, it’s become totally alienated from whatever it first meant. But it’s still an insult reserved solely for women, and THAT is the misogynistic element of it.

          • Connor

            I agree, women get called sluts when they don’t come under the definition, and I never said women don’t get called it, I was saying that other women call women sluts. I’m not going to sit here and say men don’t do it, obviously some do, but in my experience (I have moved around my whole life, pretty much a gypsy without a carivan) women do it much more often. Do I think it needs to stop? Definetly. Do I think the wrong group is being blammed for it? Definetly. If this is to stop, you need to explain to others of your gender the whole thing, because if you’re letting women (from my experience the majority of which call others sluts, are women), then why should men stop doing it?
            Personally, I have seen many men ask women out, and when rejected, some of them kick up a fuss, and the minority of those men do call them sluts. But in all honesty, can that be counted? They’re upset, angry, name calling happens when people feel such things. Just like I wouldn’t blame a woman for calling men all sorts of things when they’re upset, I don’t think it should be put on blame when they’re upset. We all say things when we’re upset, as I’m sure you’re guilty of, too. I’m sure if you ask these men later that week that they don’t think the same things as their they said when the situation happened.
            The dress thing I have got to say is a major area women call other women sluts in. I have seen so many women call other women sluts, and I got appauled.

            There are many insults that go out to each group of people, it isn’t exactly an alienated incident when a woman gets called an insult that is specificly meant for women, just like there are words for men, blacks, whites, asian, old people, and so on. None of them are acceptable, but every group has them. It would be to the point that if women were to get rid of all the names that specificly are insults owards women, then they’d be the only group without such insults.

          • Abigail Lewis

            You must surely see that it doesn’t matter who is calling the woman a slut! Nowhere in the article are men solely blamed for the use of this word. All genders use the word slut and it’s not acceptable from any mouth. The article doesn’t attack men, it attacks the word slut. Who is doing the name-calling doesn’t matter.

            Furthermore, I cannot agree with you that men have higher sex drives than women. I just can’t. It’s too general. Many men have very low sex drives – consider the popularity of Viagra when it was first released! And many women have very, very high sex drives. No group of people has a higher sex drive than any other. What’s problematic is that having a low sex drive as a male, and having a high one as a female, is often wrongly stigmatised.

            Your assessment of religion shows a very limited understanding of transnational issues. It’s really surprising that you would suggest a religious woman just ‘remove herself from that system of beliefs’. What if you live in a society where religion and state aren’t separated? Women are stoned to death in many parts of the world for behaviour that you would consider virginal.

            You say you believe in total equality. If ‘pussy’ is accepted, then ‘slut’ should be too. But to me, that is an unacceptably passive stance. I could go into ‘no such thing as equality and women must become strong as women not as men’ but I won’t. What I am trying to argue is that neither is acceptable and neither should be accepted. It’s too passive to accept both. I want to change both.

            Yes, there are other words that are specifically meant for different groups. But they often have equivalents. For example, a word that’s meant to denigrate men for immoral or annoying behaviour – in Britain we use ‘prick’. This has an equivalent for women – ‘bitch’. Similarly, words used to offend people based on race have equivalents in every race – but of course, I would oppose all these words too. What is so damaging about ‘slut’ is that it has no equivalent in other genders. Earlier you mentioned ‘manslut’ or ‘manwhore’ but I’ve never heard these used as poisonously as slut – in fact, I’ve only heard them used in an almost affectionate, proud context.

          • dude

            I think its okay for women to call other women sluts because women don’t benifit in any way from them unless they are lesbian. And the reason women do it more often is because they can. If men could do it that often I have no dought that they would and th reason they cn’t is because every girl they ask dosn’t want to be a slut

          • Connor

            You misunderstood what I said. I never said women sleep around more than men, I know both do that pretty much equally nowadays. What I said was that women are more likely to call such women sluts, not that they are more likely to sleep with many different partners. I quite frankly find any male or female doing that as, I wouldn’t say disgusting, but I don’t see them in a positive light. I understand they have every right to do so, but that doesn’t mean I see it as a positive thing, there are too many risks.
            I do see your point in generalisations, but it is partly science that adds to that generalisation being a truth. Although I did say any man will accept sex, obviously going too far there, the vast majority would go for it due to having more of a sex drive. We are not primal beings that just go looking for sex non stop, but when the situation shows an easy access to it, most males would jump for the chance. I think that’s a problem, but it is in our nature due to having a higher sex drive, so I see it as understandable, but I still find it a negative for the male gender, still, an understandable one.
            I do understand religious parts of what you implied. But even still, it is his belief in a higher power that is holding that back, and most males aren’t religious, and a lot of religious people that’s belief say no sex before marriage do have sex before marriage.
            The part you are talking about is due to religious interuptions. If a woman wanted sex, she could just remove herself from that specific group of people and ask a male that doesn’t believe the whole sex before marriage thing like the previous group does, where as if a male was to just bluntly ask “can I have sex with you” to a woman that does not have any religious beliefs holding her back, it is unlikely the male will have sex with the female.
            There are many named being branded to certain people that do certain things and people that don’t do certain things, it’s part of life, and in no way are women the only ones having it done to them, nor the ones having the worst of it. For example, a lot of people believe that if a man doesn’t help a woman being attacked by another man, then he is a “pussy” or “not a real man”. The man has to put his life at risk to help someone else, otherwise he is a “pussy”, regardless if the outcome could result in his death.
            Me personally, I have defended a woman that hit a male first, then the male hit her back. To this day I wish I could take that back, I noticed that even back then (I could be seen as a feminist) I was wrong. ofcourse, I put myself in harms way. I wasn’t exactly the “popular” kid in school, nor was I the bullied, just an average joe. In sticking up for this female that got hit due to her hitting first, the “popular” and “well-built” students started having an aggrewsive manner. I surely would of been injured if it went further. That was when I followed the feminist way of thought, that men shouldn’t hit women regardless.
            Yes, I see your point, some people, male or female, have reasons for sexual relationships. Although, natrually males have higher sex drives. That wouldn’t be an excuse, it would be a reason.

            I agree, the whole idea of being a pussy “unrightfully” shouldn’t be allowed. But, if one falls under the definition, then I believe they should be. I believe in equality, real equality, 100%, unconditional equality. If one is allowed, the other is. If one isn’t, the other shouldn’t. I do see your points.

          • dude

            I just don’t get it. Why prevent exactly what you hwant from happening

    • Ann

      It’s okay for men to sleep around because it’s ‘harder’ (I disagree but we’ll assume it is for arguments sake) for them. At the same time it’s bad for women to sleep around because it’s ‘easier’.

      First problem with this is the cause-effect relationship. Men are rewarded for showing sexual behavior so they’re more likely to display that behavior. Women are punished for sexual behavior so they’re less likely to display sexual behavior. Women not displaying sexual behavior leads to men not having sex (cause-effect). Encourage women to embrace their sexuality and men won’t have nearly as much trouble acquiring sexual partners.

      Second problem is that ease of an action has nothing to do with the morality of it. For example, if it’s harder for me to cause serious injury to someone than Mike Tyson does it make it morally okay for me to attack a person and cause them serious injury? The answer is a clear NO. Yet the argument you used implies that it’s morally okay for men to sleep around because it’s harder for them. That makes no sense.

      With all that being said, I do agree with you about women being more at fault. In today’s world there are some rather idiotic and hypocritical men who believe it’s okay for themselves to have casual sex with lots of people but it’s bad for women.

      However, the majority of the blame lies with women who say it’s wrong for men to judge women then turn around and degrade a promiscuous woman.

      A perfect example of this can be seen when listening to women (especially young women) discuss promiscuous men and women they know. The loose women are insulted (implied to have STDs, are stupid, have no self-respect, have daddy issues, etc.) and are called sluts. The loose men are called by their first name and it’s often the women they sleep with and not them who are insulted (ie ‘Bill has slept with a ton of sluts).

      Even if men and women shamed sluts equally. Women would still be more at fault because both genders are more concerned with how members of their own gender view them than how members of the opposite gender view them (especially at a young age).

      While true of both genders, it’s more obvious in females when it comes to sex because males and females are socialized differently. Males are taught it’s okay to have sex so don’t condemn males for that behavior while females are taught it’s wrong so they do condemn other females. A similar parallel would be males making fun of a male for crying (b/c males are taught it’s wrong to be emotional) and females comforting a crying female.

      • scott

        I agree with what you said (2nd paragraph) but I think to strengthen your arguement is to mention the fact that men are territorial of women versus other men.

        • Moz

          You mean men want to ‘own’ women? There is so much wrong with that prevalent attitude in men – I wouldn’t know where to begin!

      • dude

        added to the fact that it’s wrong I don’t see how calling women sluts benifits men. As a man I and I think every other man want to get laid. Cause and effect. If I call a woman a slut after having sex with her my chances of getting laid her are very slim. I just don’t get why we should punish women for giving us exactly what we want. Plus, who cares about easy or not easy. Why does it have to be a wole challange. If two people want to have sex, they should do it and they will both be happy. And I bet the reason it is so hard for guys to get laid is because every girls is so afraid of being banished from society. If men should have more sex and women should have less sex but you need two people to have sex, how are men going to have the amoun’t of sex they need when all the women aren’t aloud to have any more sex. It just doesn’t make logical sense.

    • dude

      I really don’t think being labled a slut is good at all. But women should have more of an excuse to call women sluts. After all, men benifit off “sluts”, so they should actually be thankful for them

  • Charlie

    Interesting intro to slut-shaming article! However, since “female” is a term describing sex, not gender, “the female gender” wouldn’t really be the correct phrasing, right?
    Also, Connor, patriarchy hurts both men and women, and is perpetuated by people of any gender, but it is definitely men who formed the basis of our misogynistic society in the first place. So no one’s blaming one side or using them as a scapegoat – a select group is being held accountable. And please check your facts before you start spouting off generalizing differences between men and women.

    • Allison

      The term “female’ describes both sex and gender. The term “female gender” refers to gendered females, body parts aside.

  • Jake

    boy walks into a room and asks- “who wants to have sex?”; gets kicked out.
    girl walks into a room and asks- “who wants to have sex?”; every hand in the room goes up.

    • Guest

      If that were true, why do men seem to have so more random sex than women? Couldn’t be too hard. And no, if a 400lb, middle aged woman walked into a room, there would be no takers. Let’s get real.

      It’s an angry term men use for hot women who like to have sex- just not with them. Men think they’re entitled to hot women and if they can’t get any, those women are just sluts. The truth is, men get just as much action. They’re just lazier, so they think it’s TONS of work, and they feel the need to lie and manipulate to get a woman into bed. All the reasons add up to men having fragile little egos. They really are the gentler sex. Don’t worry boys, we’ll go easy on you.

      • Blaz3

        How come people never use a reasonable example? Let’s say two overweight folks in their 20′s went into a room and asked for sex. I’m willing to reckon that the overweight female would have a much easier time getting sex. The point is that sex is more accessible for women than men given that both genders are equal socially, financially and physically.

      • John

        Lazier? i take it you are a chick because it is a lot harder for a guy to sleep with a girl then the other way around. Men have to impress the ladies first. But for women, what Jake said, could just walk into a room, ask for sex, and for the most part any guy would do her if she was decent looking.

        • Moz

          You said – “for the most part any guy would do her if she was decent looking” – Hence men are the sluts, always wanting sex and behaving in slutty/sleazy ways in order to get it. Just because they might not get it as much as women (although that’s debatable), doesn’t mean they don’t act like sluts in trying to get it. The point you all express: that women are less likely to oblige men in sex, than the other way around, means that women actually have some morals and therefore they should not really be the ones everyone calls sluts.

    • AnnieS

      Hi Jake.
      In your scenario there wouldn’t it be the men who are being “sluts” since they all agree to have sex and it’s a majority of the women who say no to sex and throw the man out?

      • dude

        of course. Plus, I think whoever recomends sex which is usually the man is the one who fault it is. plus, if a woman dosn’t want to have sex that she isn’t giving you what you deserve. If she does agree she’s a slut. Are women able to even exist without getting shamed

    • Moz

      So it’s the boys that are the sluts then, since they are the most obliging and always wanting sex.

  • anon

    think of it like this. A key that can open any door is the master key but a door that can be opened by many keys is a broken door

    • Alisse Marie

      A pencil sharpener that has sharpened many pencils is clearly a good pencil sharpener, but a pencil that has been sharpened many times is probably worn out and should just been thrown out.

      • Taborlin

        anon’s analogy made sense. Yours does not. The more sex a guy has the more experienced he becomes. The better he becomes in bed. Quite the opposite from being worn out. Whereas, the more sex a woman has, the looser she becomes, and then it’s no fun for anyone. But then, that’s what she gets for being a slut.

        • Alisse Marie

          Fun fact: that’s a bullshit lie made up to slut-shame women. Vaginas actually don’t get “looser.” They are incredibly elastic and have the ability to expand and contract, no questions asked. Vaginas will never get “loose,” no matter how much sex a person has. Source:

          You should probably learn a bit about the female anatomy before attempting to argue with a female about the way her body works ;)

          • knowitall

            what a bunch of bull. Ive literally seen women shove gatorade (the big ones) bottles up their pussy. Now a virgin when not be able to do that in the first try. not even a girl whos slept around a bit. Have u ever had a baby? you will never be the same. vaginas do get loose its a damn fact. Why u think they sell dildos the size of your leg?

          • Ann

            As stated by Alisse Marie, a vagina is elastic and can therefore stretch greatly to accommodate something bigger.
            Virgins can’t shove a gatorade bottle the first time because they don’t know how to relax their muscles so it’s harder to get anything in.
            A more experienced woman knows how to relax and tighten her muscles. That gives her the ability to relax to let an object in (usually a penis or finger) then she tightens her muscles back up.

          • dude

            I agree with Ann. I vigina should be able to stretch so it can fit things, but it will still stay tight enough to have fun. I vigina shouldn’t be too tight after all or sex will be painful. And if a vigina does get loose evoryone has a butthole

        • Ann

          Hello Taborline,

          According to the situation you presented, the man gains experience and the woman becomes worn out. But remember, a man can’t gain experience without the woman. Therefore “loose” women are partially the result of men who stick it everywhere. The man’s own gain of experience results in women who are “no fun for anyone.” Therefore, men like that have no right to expect to settle down with someone more “virtuous” than the “loose woman.” Remember, men like that are helping to take “virtuous women” out of the “market.”

          • dude

            yeh. Even if women are loose, it is usually a mans fault and without “sluts” men wouldn’t have experience. And if a woman gets raped you can’t call her a slut because she had no decision in it.

        • Dxlam Sullivan

          That would mean you believe women shouldn’t enjoy themselves in the same way men can because eventually that will lead them to not be able to pleasure men in the same way. In other words you’re asking women to live THEIR lives to please men.
          That’s extraordinarily sexist and as a man I find not only your comment, but you as well, rather disgusting.

        • PeabodyJr

          That is ridiculous! LOL. That was dumb

        • Mimi

          Your logic: if it applies to inanimate objects, it applies to our genitals. *slow clap*

    • Dxlam Sullivan

      Some of the sexually-best women I’ve ever slept with have been what someone like you would call a slut.
      There’s nothing immoral about having lots of sexual partners from either gender and shame on you for saying there is.

  • Taborlin

    If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key.

    But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s a piece of shit lock.

    • Nessa

      What’s really going on is that you’ve been conditioned to think that way. Like I said earlier, society enjoys calling women mean names; it seems to be acceptable, but in my heart I know it’s wrong to treat women this way.

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  • nowitall

    actually it makes total sense. the term slut originally meant dirty and untidy to describe maids of the 15th century. It has ever since taken on a whole new meaning today. The main difference between men and women is that men give it and women take it. men f&*k and women get f@#ked. Men and women are in no way equal its like comparing bananas and pears, sure they’re are both fruits but they are different in many ways. When it comes to work, voting, or opinions there should be equality but physically we are not. And sex is physical. Women just wana have fun until they hit 25 and notice the first wrinkle and realize they are becoming obsolete to the next generation of girls. so they freak out and settle down and either find a partner they lie to about their past or one that is more open and they continue down the pervertedly fun path.

    • Mali

      Neither a man nor a woman should be promiscuous…however we do know that men are completely different from women in our thought patterns (check out Dr. John Grey’s book “Men are from mars and women from Venus.” Honestly we all have freedom of choice, however no self respecting man wants a woman who has the reputation of a slut. We all make choices and are aware of the consequences of it. Furthermore what we practice now we will do later on. We, both men and women have to consider the love ones in our lives, because at the end of the day we are all someone’s children, or grandchildren, or nephew or niece or somebody’s father or mother. To tell you the truth, and this is the truth- later on in life we regret these things and they do come back to haunt you- I PERSONALLY KNOW. Thinking back, all the sex was good, but if i could do it all over i would opt for another decision. I know my spouse and children (all grown) loves me, but you know deep inside they feel “a little shame” because later and no matter how later on…that reputation you have will never leave you because there is always someone who knows you or know of your past. At first i didn’t care but as i got older i did and the first person i started to care about is myself. Hold your heads high ladies because life is worth much more than and remember, we all make mistakes- and sometimes quite annoyingly make the same ones over and over! Just one minute (60 seconds), ask God to take over your life everyday and to give you the strength to endure the things in this life..

      • dude

        Yes. And why dosn’t this go for men.

      • Dxlam Sullivan

        Why shouldn’t men and/or women be promiscuous? Who do they hurt by being promiscuous?

      • Moz

        I’m very skeptical of these “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” type books. They over generalize about the sexes way too much and this stereotyping strips away a person’s God-given uniqueness and individuality – books of this ilk have done so much damage to people. Fact is, there are just as many differences between individual women, as there is between men and women and there are just as many differences between individual men as there is between men and women. We are not all cloned into a gendered way of thinking and behaving, as these so called relationship experts would have us believe. I rarely match these people’s interpretation of womanhood (in character, behaviour and thinking) yet it doesn’t make me any less a woman. I’d advise people to stay away from these books unless you wish to be pressured into being a certain way, according to your gender, and shamed if you’re not.

        • Nessa

          I absolutely agree.

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  • anon123

    Supply and demand.

    I.E.: prostitutes

  • anionix

    yeah simple answer. Girls can get sex easy, in fact they use it as a commodity, men have to work for sex and get shot down lots, so when men get more girls thats cool, but when women just open their legs for anything thats not

    • Sunjammer

      Then I guess, if I’m fitter than someone else, I should be ashamed to do more push ups in the gym than other people because they’re easier for me to do? Or if I earn more than some of my friends, I should be guilty about buying more clothes than they do (providing I don’t brag about it)? You men are so desperate to control women even though you know you can’t it’s pathetic. Why can’t you just accept that we have desires too and we have the right to pursue them and it’s nothing to be ashamed about? It’s not our fault that evolution had made men more horny than women in general and that most of them would bang anything that moves while we women are a bit choosier?

      • John

        Sunjammer don’t act like it is hard to a women to get laid. Women use sex as a weapon to control men. Yes you have desires, as do men also. But it is a lot easier for you to pursue those desires. Most guys would have sex with any women who wants to pursue her sexual desires. The same cannot be said about men pursing their desires. And men and women are both equally just as horny. Women can easily find someone to have sex with them, men cannot for the most part.

  • K199

    ah anon , that is the stupidest thing and has been overused. when it comes down to it the only reason you’re referring the male part as the key is because it’s out and protruding and the only reason the female parts are referred to as a lock is because it’s a hole. but when you look past that, there are people. they have the same type of minds. just basing your hilarious comment on the way each sexual organs are shaped is stupid. there’s more to it than that. men just want their cake and to eat it too. they want alot of women but they also want to be in control (stupid male ego) and be the best so they want to be the only one their woman has slept with. stupid. get over yourselfs. all you have is testerone and a penis and a huge prostate gland. besides that you’re no different. sad, that human discrimate so much.and yes women that have sex alot become temporarily loose. there are extreme cases where it could stay permanent and that is after continous constant sex. the penis as well can fall apart temporarily. it could become raw and hurt and not function. in extreme cases a man could break his penis so yeah. i don’t want to have sex with a broken penis just as much as you dont want to have sex with a gaping hole :)

  • Anon

    it genuinely does come down to the fact that it is infinitely harder for a man to sleep around than a woman. A woman could walk into almost anywhere and ask who wants to have sex and there would be takers everywhere. A guy could not do that. It’s so much more difficult for a man and there’s no way around that. On another note a man that sleeps around would also be a slut, the standards are the same. But you’ll very rarely find a guy denying he’s a slut or that he sleeps around. It’s fine to love having sex, nobody really cares. Just don’t deny it. Regardless of gender. If it makes you a slut it makes you a slut, guy or girl, don’t try deny that

  • Misc Anon

    Many women are sluts, and almost all men are sluts.

    The difference: Men don’t care if they’re called sluts. Women do care (emotional, sensitive, etc.)

  • ben

    My theory on it is this: Men really are just having fun by sleeping around, they don’t really care what the girl looks like as long as she isn’t really really ugly. Women who you could call sluts don’t ‘just have fun’, it matters a lot more how the guy looks, where he stands on the social ladder (is he popular/famous/…?),.. I admit being a total manwhore and I don’t really care if the girl I am taking home is overweight/older/kind of ugly/nerdy… better than not having sex. Even the hardest sluts I know rather go home alone than have to have sex with an overweight nerdy comic book fan. All the studies show that women are the most picky for a ONS and men are the least picky for a ONS. So for men it is just a more pleasurable way of masturbating and having fun, for women it’s about having fun with that hot guy she normally would never have had sex with.

    It’s like 2 neighbours giving a party, one invites everyone, the other only invites his friends and ignores half the neighbourhood. Most people would say the first man is more nice than the second one

    • dude

      What the heack are you talking about. I know plenty of fat ugly dudes who get laid, but most guys have high expectations for there women.

    • pug

      I have to say, where you stated that men sleep around for “fun” and not for looks while women sleep for the looks and not for the “fun,” you are over generalizing and not considering any variation. In my experience, it never depended on a person’s sex or gender whether they were with someone based on appearance or based on “fun.” It varied from person to person regardless of gender. I would not depend on a statistic for your argument because statistics ignore variation and they generalize and are not dependable when making a judgement like you did.

      Also, for your neighborhood party story, whether the first neighbor was determined to be the nicer one or not depends on his intentions, doesn’t it? Can’t ignore that. Or the other neighbor’s intentions/situation.

  • TDobbs7

    I’m no fan of double standards. At all. But I read an interesting point in an article somewhere. It is much harder for a guy to successfully request and have sex with a woman than it is for a woman to do the same thing. It just is. When a man wants to have sex with someone that isn’t a real prostitute, he has to go on dates, buy gifts, go places that he probably doesn’t want to go, do things that he doesn’t particularly want to do, etc. It takes a lot more effort for a man to “get in the cookie jar.” If a woman wants to have sex with a man, most times all she has to do is text him and ask for it.

  • Jamie Presley

    For a woman being a slut is an easy task, for a man not so much. For a man to beat the crap out of a woman is an easy task, for women to beat the shit out of a man is no easy task. Being a slut is just as much of an abuse of your natural power as a man using his natural physical power on a woman. No one respects a wife beater and in turn no one respects a slut.

    • Dxlam Sullivan

      That made absolutely no sense :)

    • Sam

      Being a slut is an abuse of a woman’s natural power? Well if a girl comes on to you, you can always refuse. Or you can enjoy having sex. But if a man beats the shit out of a woman, she can’t exactly do anything to stop it, and it’s definitely not pleasurable for her. Bury your dumb ass in a grave, so people don’t suffer under your unbearable presence.

      • Jamie Presley

        I take it you have never shot a woman down for sex? The verbal abuse that follows is disgusting, as for “She can’t do anything to stop it” I guess you’ve never been a doorman at a club. I would rather deal with a juice monkey than an out of control woman. Women are the worst thing to deal with in a social setting, sexually or otherwise. they can’t handle the word “No” and if it is said to them they will never forget it. Even a year afterwards you will always be that “Asshole”. You need to understand when a woman calls you an asshole it’s actually a code word to other women that states “Our sexual power is useless on this one, so don’t bother”. They get real pissed when they know they can’t manipulate you using sex or the promise of it.

        So yes it is an abuse of their natural power, using men to get free drinks, vacations, live rent free, money, clothes and whatever her heart desires.

        Don’t spend money on a woman, ever!!!!! If a woman wont sleep with you because you won’t give her stuff before hand or in return? Well then we all know what she really is, a common whore and just a useless slut not worth wasting any time or resources on.

        • John

          Jaime is right, it is an abuse of power. See a guy slut who sleeps around actually has game and it takes effort to even sleep with a girl yet alone multiple girls. But a women in the other hand can almost sleep with anyone if they ask. It is a lot easier for a women to have many sexual partners. Thus she is labeled as easy while a male slut is seen as “the man” or has game.

          So yes it is an abuse of power women using their sexuality to an advantage to use guys.

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  • dude

    I totally agree. Why is it okay for guys to “have fun” but not okay for girls. I especially find this messed up when the guy ask the girl to have sex and the girls is blammed, or even worse when a girl is called a slut for being raped. The person whos fault it was should be called a slut. Plus even if it was only women, how is being a slut going to harm anyone. If anything it will make people happy because they are having sex. And yes. I have heard of women being called sluts because they were raped

  • Dxlam Sullivan

    I have many male friends who have dozens of, what I would consider to be, very attractive girls wanting them. Yet they don’t do it. So, not all men just have sex and likewise not all women don’t just want to have sex with people they love.
    Many women really enjoy casual sex. That’s their right and it’s not hurting anyone. How can we look down on a victimless crime?

    • John Joesph

      I don’t really care if they do. I’m just pointing out why it’s more of a accomplishment for a guy than it would be for a woman.

      • j

        It’s crazy that because it may be easier for a woman to find a sexual partner in most circumstances than a man and that usually the men are the ones initiating the interaction that the woman is seen as easy.
        So for example the man successfully convinces a woman to have sex with him = an accomplishment. If he doesn’t = a failure.
        The woman has two options 1. turning down the guy just because society has convinced her she should wait or because she’s afraid of being labeled a slut or easy.
        2. accepting because perhaps she finds the man attractive physically or for other reasons and happens to enjoy sex.

        In my perspective a lot of women are often hit on, or even directly approached for sex. Most of the time they turn it down! I’m an average looking girl. Approachable and somewhat cute but definitely not a gorgeous club girl. I’m tired of presumptions about how I should live my life when I know how often I turn men down. How is that easy? It would seem most women have to turn men down pretty often. It’s kind of the opposite of that. Why don’t we call men easy? They are, in fact.

        Most of these assumptions or connotations made by calling women easy presume that either we’re giving in to men by having sex and that we don’t necessarily have any sex drives ourselves, or if we do we can’t control them and sleep with men we don’t like for the wrong reasons.

        I for one, as a female, admit to enjoying sex. Sometimes I get labeled as “easy” . But in fact I never have sex with someone that I’m not interested in.


  • Kevin

    Player? No the right term would have been a male-whore, slut-man, you name it! The double standard connotations which implies that a woman who sleeps around is a slut and the man is a player, is changing as we speak. They are both the same to me.

  • anonymousbro

    Because women are naturally selective when it comes to mate selection. It’s evolutionary biology. Going against that is against nature and social norms. Men and women are not equal, that’s why they are men and women. Be aware that inequality does not necessarily equate to inferiority.

    Being called a slut is only a problem if you see it as a negative. There’s nothing inherently wrong with promiscuity. Monogamy has religious origins, humans did not evolve to be monogamous. Polygamy is reproductively advantageous. Social stigma surrounding promiscuity, however, is out of scicence’s reach. It can be traced back again to religion. Not everyone see promiscuous men as “players” anyway.

    Do feel free to be promiscuous, ladies. But just because you can, it doesn’t mean you should. There are consequences, whether it be social, mental, or physical.

    • v

      & just because a man can try to sleep around, doesn’t mean he should, either. Wow, would ya look at that?

  • Miumaumou

    Many have mentioned here that a reason for women getting labeled as
    sluts is due to sex being more easily accessible for women and men
    having to put more effort into getting a partner.

    It’s simple only if seen from the point of view of which gender the active person is. It bothers me why the “slut issue” is virtually never thought from the point of view of which gender is easier to persuade or to be “picked up”. With this logic, men could be condemned for being “easier” (and thus “sluts”) for being more willing to accept the company of a more “mediocre” woman than to have no sexual partner at all. Women again could be applauded for having higher standards for a sexual partner and thus being more likely to reject a one-night stand. (Note that this is not how I generally view men and women myself, these are just how I typically have noticed people define the differences of the sexes with regard to choosing a partner.)

    Ironically, the point I mentioned above is instead considered to be another problem considering women’s sexual behavior, this time extending to dating and forming relationships. I often read and hear discussions and complaints about women having too high standards, and it’s not rare that men who lack sexual or romantic partners accuse these standards more or less of being part of their problem.

    I don’t promote condemnation of any kind of sexual behavior that is both respectful and consensual and I strongly dislike labeling. Also, I don’t take my stance
    here on whether women’s standards are too high or how great an effect
    these really have on men and women finding partners (that would be a
    whole another issue).

    My point is that the whole “slut issue” is filled with double standards, not only because persons getting called “sluts” are usually female but also because the bases sexual behavior gets judged on are quite biased. Sex is thought to be more accessible for women, making it not a big deal when a woman finds a partner. Then again, women having high standards when choosing their partner also gets
    criticized by men for whom it is more difficult to find a partner.

    I guess one underlying reason for why women with many sexual partners are stigmatized even today could be biological. Earlier when a woman got pregnant there were no DNA tests to really tell who the father of the child was. Wanting to sustain one’s DNA (through protection of one’s life and immediate family and through procreation) is such a fundamental part of human nature that it may have been a subconscious motivation for controlling women’s sexual behavior (and thus making the continuation of their husbands’ family lines more secure). The ways of control have been various, the social stigmatization of promiscuity being one of them.

  • Robert

    Guys think having a lack of self respect is fun. Just like farts are funny and their Bo “smells good” simply put guys are dogs digging in the trash for scraps. Its up to you to choose if you want to be a scrap or the person making them do tricks.

  • will

    men see women as having higher standards than themselves, cute and innocent is what every guy wants

  • anon

    I think as long as a woman still has standards and isn’t sleeping with men/women/both just because she’s trying to be “cool” it’s fine. I personally have never had sex outside of a relationship, but I’m not going to say I never will. Sex is enjoyable. Why restrict certain people from experiencing that enjoyment? I will never call another woman a slut or anything similar, as it’s just a silly taunt that even I was called when I was still a virgin and had never even held a boy’s hand. Like I said, if a woman has no standards then and only then will I see something wrong with her, and even then it may be due to other problems in her life, and not a personal choice. And it’s the same with men. If they want to have casual sex, okay, that’s fine. If they don’t, that’s fine to. If you think otherwise, that’s fine, everyone has an opinion. But don’t force everyone else to live by it.

  • Seriously

    Much more women nowadays are the ones that are sleeping with all different kinds of men than ever before.

  • Ben White

    If we don’t call them sluts, what do we call them? I have nothing against them, but I won’t associate myself with them, it’s just not my crowd or type of person I want to be around. And if they ask me why, what do I respond with other than because you have slutty tendencies? What other words are there? Would you rather have me just say because you have slept with more guys than there are surrounding us? If there is no word to define, then we will make a word. Slut became that word, I don’t associate with man whores either, but there are words for them and if there wasn’t do you really think that just because it’s not immoral we wouldn’t have a name for it?

  • Jamie Presley

    What makes anybody a slut isn’t the number. it’s the lack of knowledge of said number or names of anybody they have fucked. Seriously who wants to be with anybody who doesn’t know or care to remember how many partners or even their names? If somebody is that forgone that all they see people as is random hook ups it’s an indicator of a personality disorder.

    Being a slut doesn’t work in the long run for women, why would a man of good character and work ethic want somebody like that? It makes as much sense as buying a 15 year old 5.0 mustang thats had 150 douchebags beating the shit out of it, over revving the engine, smoking the clutch and bagging on the suspension all the while destroying the wiring with a shitty stereo install and then passing it on to a frat buddy to repeat the cycle. Wouldn’t you rather have a reliable vehicle with a good history and one to 2 long term owners?

    I’m not a disposable object and I won’t waste a moment of my time with someone who has a history of either treating men as objects of convenience or themselves as such an object.

    Being a slut isn’t cool and I don’t care what TV or society says I wont have it, I’m better than that and so are (Women) and you.

    • Nicolynn

      Lol sorry to burst your bubble, but I AM a woman :P & even if I was a promiscuous nympho, I would STILL be a woman.

      I know that judging makes the world go round, but I just don’t see the point. I don’t know the nympho’s story. Idk why she does it, and you don’t know if she doesn’t keep count or remember names. & let’s be real, even if she DID remember their names & could tell you stories of her relationships with them, how long they lasted, the dates they went on, you STILL wouldn’t commit to that smart, amazing, beautiful girl b/c she slept with 20 men before you. Btw, that’s okay.

      You don’t want a carelessly promiscuous woman. Understood, loud and clear. There’s nothing wrong with that, but there is something wrong with you judging her the way you do… You don’t even know me, but b/c I stuck up for the nympho, you assumed I was one of them. Automatically you labeled me as less than a woman, & there’s something sick about that. While you’re busy judging her, you should be judging the men who do the SAME thing. I don’t hear men speaking out against man whores, also known as sex addicts. Why do women get the derogatory labels while men are just lovers of sex? He is not better than her.

      If you’ve only had 1 or 2 partners, I respect your desire for a woman that’s done the same, but acting like you’re better than the party girl who lacks a purpose while high-fiving your buddy who does the same damn thing makes you a prick (generally speaking).

      You don’t know her story.

      • Jamie Presley

        You didn’t read the last line of my statement did you? “I’m better than that and so are (Women) and you.”

        The whole 1st paragraph is gender neutral, if you read it again you will see that.

        As for men not being made fun of? oh yes they are. Once 30 hits both men and women are pretty much mocked mercilessly for being a twat. I have guy friends who are lamenting the fact that they don’t have anybody or that special one they screwed over. To that I just laugh raise an eyebrow and say “Really, do go on. . .”

        You see men unlike women can call a spade a spade, unlike women whether they be sluts or not can’t. Women are by nature hypocrites and will twist logic into fantasy much as your post has just done. The entire point of your re buttle wasn’t to admonish me but to deflect responsibility for yours or others actions.

        There are always consequences for all actions we do in life, the consequence of being a slut is: no one wants to be with one.

        You can call it “empowering” all you want, the simple fact is: Men don’t marry sluts, we don’t partner with them and we sure as hell don’t invite them into our homes.

        Contrary to popular belief it is women who are the sex crazed ones not men. It has been proven via DNA that 80% of women are reproducing with only 20% of the men. Hell even on OKcupid women polled posted the mathematical impossible stat that 80% of men are “Below average”. Again that is a mathematical impossibility

        The only reason this is even an issue on this site or in our culture right now is that the real “Alpha” men aren’t playing along. We aren’t going to marry a woman such as this, have children with a woman such as this. Why would anybody(Man or woman) partner with someone with impulse control problems?

        You see I’m not the minority here, I’m speaking as the MAJORITY of men, where your thought process is representing a MAJORITY of women.

        Spoiled Disney princesses who don’t get their reality check until age 30 when their sexual power is fading due to age. You want to know when men get their reality check? Age 5, the age when we typically tie the towel around our necks thinking we are Superman and jump off the roof. Well you can guess what happens next: Reality via gravity sets in and we find out with a trip to the emergency room that we are not Superman.

        Men (Real men the 80%) recognize sluts as a child trapped in an adults body. Someone who is living in a fantasy world where there is no consequence for her actions. Well there is: We are not marrying you, we are refusing to do share anything with you. I have seen and heard the laments on TV in media and in social gatherings its the same one over and over again; “Where are all the good guys?” or “Why doesn’t someone want to marry me?”

        The answer is simple. Men want to marry and PARTNER (Key word here) with women who are fully developed adults not a womanchild looking for a “Daddy”. An adult can only have an adult relationship with another adult, not a spoiled child.

        The type of men you sluts are screwing will never grow up and will never marry you. The reason is: They don’t have to. The sluts of the world just keep coming and its so easy to do. But you have to remember those “Bad boys” are the 20% minority where as women are the 80% sluts who want their cake and eat it too.

        Men (real men) don’t waste time with spoiled, selfish, narcissistic hypocrites with a personality disorder and false sense of reality.

        I understand your post and even support your right to do as you choose with your life but the line is drawn at consequences. You as an adult have to face the consequences of your actions and the abuse of your natural power as women.

        That consequence is: In time you will be laughed at, told “No shit” at realizations 20 years too late. Yet the worst will be when the party is over and look around and the lights are now on and there is nothing left but the mess of the party and all people are gone leaving you alone.

        Enjoy your spinsterhood. You might as well, after all it will be the result of your (Selfish) life work.

        • Nicolynn

          Dude, you didn’t even read what I said. I said that you’re judgmental attitude sucks. I agreed that you have a right to not want someone like that. All men are free to choose. All I was saying is if you’re going to put women down, put the men down too. You didn’t say anything when your friends were acting like assholes back in the day. But you can spend 30 minutes ranting about women who do the same thing. Of course there are consequences for their actions, on both sides of the fence. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about you acting like they’re less than human for behaving the way they do. Women like that need help, not further degradation. That’s what I’m saying.

          I’m sorry to say this, but your emotions are getting in the way of a decent debate.

          • Jamie Presley

            Actually I did say what I’m saying to you a to my male friends. I’ve had this exact argument so many times with both sexes in the past. In the end all people do is scoff and laugh and whine and bitch.

            Just as you have done, taking a generalization personally and making it about you. Even after admitting you had a soft argument, no you just can’t let it go.

            Women are beyond help and you know what? so are the guys who are screwing them. The whole argument that there is a double standard is made moot by math.

            The simple fact is: Women control sex, not men. To believe otherwise is just a delusion.

            I find it refreshing when there is a woman who hasn’t been slut. It shows self awareness and maturity that is sorely lacking today. But you are wrong to defend them, women don’t listen to men about anything much like you have demonstrated here. Quit making excuses or turning a blind eye to their shittyness. I know for a fact that you have girlfriends who have cheated or been the other woman yet I bet you’re still friends with them but if you man had buddies like that within 6 months they would have somehow “faded away”

            When women were fighting for equal rights the real men stood up and backed them. Now Men are screaming for help and women true to their hypocritical natures are not helping all they are doing is making excuses for each other. “For girls it’s different” when it comes to cheating, helping “Baby trap” a man, selling positive pregnancy tests on line to “make him commit” You wonder why men are refusing to marry, pairbond or even move in together. Tell me who would you rather be in divorce court? We know the answer yet women are doing sweet fuck all to change that. Including you.

            What does this have to do with the article at hand? EVERYTHING. This article is a symptom of a much bigger problem, the problem of “Its all his fault”. Why are women quick to call a guy lazy or spit on him for not have certain things (house, car, business, social standing) by a certain age? But don’t you dare slut shame me!!

            You said “You don’t know her story” Since when do women give a flying fuck about a mans story? All they care about are results, Does he have a house? Does he have a good career? Have a nice car? Never wondering if he had to take 10 years out of his life to care for a sick parent or help an orphaned nephew or niece. No women aren’t interested in that at all. All they care about is if he will be a suitable replacement “Daddy”, a provider of status and material wealth. To say otherwise is bullshit and you know it.

            Women demand to not be seen as sex objects, fine I agree no issue. Yet turn around and still see men as success objects. If you don’t believe me on that one ask the guy working the night shift at 7-11 (Which happens to be his 3rd job) how much pussy he is pulling in.

            I have read your statements, you are trying to understand I see that you are yet you are still clouded by emotional thinking.

            I also love the standard ad homen attack as well. “They called you an asshole & have an attitude towards you, so now you have a bone to pick w/ ‘em,” I’m okay with being called an asshole you know why? I understand “Asshole” for women is code for: Our sexual power is useless on this one. Yes, that’s what it means, you women are raised to be bullies who hide behind being a girl. Like that matters anymore, you see we men were told you were equals. Well, that means no pulled punches and you can see the bitching and moaning about it here.

            The last statement is just lunacy: “You’re on feminspire. Complain about your hatred towards female bullies on or something.” No, that’s the last place to deal with female bullies, I’m bringing it here to you not an echo chamber. Bitching about female bullies there is like masturbation, it feels good but don’t produce shit.

            You have no argument, all you are doing is sticking with the girls whether they are right or wrong because of some crazy sexual alliance. You women are worse than the so called “Patriarchal” men ever were. Total unapologetic hypergamous hypocrites.

          • Nicolynn

            I’m sorry. I misjudged you. You’re an exception, but most guys are friends with cheaters or ARE cheaters, man whores, &/or liars. Shoot, my dad was a man whore, never a cheater though. So the fact that you don’t do any of that makes my argument moot, in regards to you personally.

            7 girls, same guy :O … what kind of women… that’s breaking the girl code! Rofl

            Let me make sure I have this clear. You only had 2 partners before meeting your wife? Another question, how old were you both when you met? Lastly, how old were you when you realized that you didn’t want to sleep with anymore than 3 people in your lifetime?

            Again, you’re stating your argument against gold diggers and girls w/o a purpose. I don’t stand by them.

            You’re right, this argument goes nowhere b/c it’s subjective. We both have certain beliefs and standards. 1 to 2 sexual partners is unrealistic & not something that I’m aiming for. I’m 20 and I’ve already hit that mark. I’m not optimistic enough to believe that my next long-term relationship will end in marriage.

            & I’ve dated a man whore, so I’m entitled to judge. I know his whole life story. I know exactly why he still does it. He’s afraid.

            I’m getting this vibe that you just wanna complain about gold diggers, but let me be candid. I WISH women were as paranoid about their vagina as men are about their money. I would love that. However, the world would be worse than it already is if women were like that. Most men wouldn’t be able to handle it.

            &… I know you didn’t just use the blame game :P Women are not always in control of sex. I mean you act like no means no. It doesn’t. Husbands have raped their wives. Sex trafficking around the world is at an all time high. 1 in 5 women have been raped in the US alone. No, we don’t control sex. Now in reference to sane men, yes, you’re completely right. We cAn say no. & in those cases we are in control. But, I’d be lying if I said that having a one night stand every now and then between relationships is an abuse of power. It’s not. & I don’t believe that having sex with someone to relieve stress and/or b/c you’re life is too hectic for dating is wrong. I believe in giving blame where blame is due. It is always the woman’s fault, unless she gets raped. It is always the man’s fault for giving into a woman, & you’re living proof of that b/c omg you said no to a “slut.” :X

            & you’re wrong about my friends, close (it’s my family). My friends from high school are still virgins. Neither have ever had boyfriends, & no, they’re not ugly. Currently, I’m more of a loner/I get along better with guy friends so yeah… Would I like to hang with party animals, absolutely, but I don’t.

            You’re right, I am clouded by emotions. I see gray. Nothing is black and white to me, except rape and murder. I see scenarios. Stories. Reasons. Excuses. None of it makes it ok. But is it understandable? Relatable? Yes. How many times can you keep doing the right thing when all you’re getting are the wrong results?

            My grandma was married to 3 men who cheated and physically abused her, so eventually, she started playing the role of the other woman. It’s not right, & she knows how bad it felt to be the wife in that situation, but it’s her life & those were/are her choices.

            & I’ve been in a situation where I wanted to have meaningless sex. My ex was emotionally abusive, became a liar after joining the Marines, & quite possibly cheated on me. I’d accidentally jumped from one dramatic horror story into the next! Like how most abusive relationships go, he was my prince Charming, my hero, but in the end he just made it all so much worse… SO by the time I had enough courage to leave him, I was really insecure & damaged. I wanted to feel wanted again. Wanted to feel sexy, so I searched for a fwb. The cutest guy I could find. Luckily, that didn’t come to fruition b/c he had weird sexual tastes, & I realized that I didn’t want random lays; I wanted to love the guy I was screwing. I wanted to know him.

            Yes, I would have let my bf continue to hang with his man whore friend, as long as I knew that he still had his balls. I mean, I’d only be concerned if he was easily manipulated by the guy. If he wasn’t, then why keep them away from each other. I’m not his mother.

            Cheating is never ok, on either side. Baby trap a guy? I think you’re talking to the wrong demographic. I’d kick a friend’s ass if they did that. No, I’d consul them to death. “Now you know a baby isn’t gonna save your relationship. If you are not his first choice, move on sweetie.” I have been placed so low on the scale of importance in relationships… I’d NEVER help a girl trap herself like that.

            Not all women are obsessed with finding rich men. Some, not all. My mom wasn’t & neither was her family. I have a huge family full of mostly women. None of them lean on men for anything. They don’t lean on the government either. Do they sleep around and party? Yes. How often/how many? Idk. It’s none of my business. Do I judge them based on that? No. They are excellent mothers & full-time workers who get what they want with their own money. I can honestly say with pride that none of them are living off another man’s money. Only 2 of them even get child support, & some of my uncles actually moved in with my aunts, not the other way around. So if my family wants to mess around, I don’t really care b/c they are independent, strong, badass women.

            & under those pretenses, I’m not sure why you think it’s wrong for a woman to have fun with a man who wants the same thing, IF she’s independent and doesn’t have an ulterior motive.

            Hey masturbation brings relief & that’s what you’d find there xP Fighting with me isn’t producing shit either, sorry.

            I understand that you don’t like any woman who EVER objectifies a man with her body & I understand your concern, but have you never watched porn? Gotten a lap dance? Crushed on a girl at high school/college & jerked off at the thought of her?

            I WILL side with you about the women without a purpose aka the fake tan, daddy’s princess, gold digging women, despite the fact that my grandma does get money from one of her men (they’ve been together 30+ years, he’s more like her husband now). However, I will not side with you about hard working women who aren’t looking for love (for whatever reason), but are looking for sex with a guy who’s looking for the same thing. Is it wrong? Sure, but so is sex out of marriage period. One sin is not worse than another. That’s just how I see things.

        • Nicolynn

          You’re absolutely right. My argument was soft. & yeah, I know the first paragraph is gender neutral… I was talking about your quoted sentence…? Anyways, it’s taking too long for my short comment to be “approved” so I’m typing a new one.

          If you are going to talk to me, I do NOT want you putting words in my mouth, b/c I do NOT find having sex with 50 or even 20 different men “empowering.” That was NEVER my point. We are debating about completely different topics and I want that to end now, b/c it wastes my time and yours. My debate is not & has never been in regards to whether you should consider marrying a “slut.” That’s an insane reason to debate with someone b/c that’s subjective. I am NOT trying to change your mind about that. My debate isn’t about whether or not a “slut” is marriage material, b/c again, that is subjective. That is up to a MAN to decide for himself.

          Despite me telling you I’m not a nympho or a girl w/o a purpose, you’re writing like I am all of a sudden. So let me close the gate on that.

          I have NEVER in my LIFE said “where are all the good guys.” You’re preaching to the wrong Buddhist temple. I have had 2 long-term relationships. One that lasted 4 years, another for a year & change. That’s the story of my love life. Currently, I have chosen to be single b/c I have dreams that involve me living across country. Dating, at this point would only hold me back. I’m not sleeping around with men. I’m not doing anything, but watching Xena on Netflix, waiting for my next college quarter, & practicing the piano.

          NOW, my point: There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing not to deal with women who behave like girls. Who live on daddy’s money, party, & have no goals. I respect you for that. You know what you want, & that’s great!

          What I’m annoyed with is your thoughtless, judgmental mindset towards them, towards ME & you don’t even know me!!!! You throw them all into 1 category when there are multiple ones. Independent, strong women who know what they want, who are not gold diggers, and who are readily accepting of the consequences that go with their actions do NOT belong in the same category as daddy’s girls who’ve had everything (love and acceptance, not just money and objects) & chose to throw their life away on booze, fake tans, & meaningless sex. That’s my 1st complaint.

          My second, in ref to the girls w/o a purpose (not 80%, more like 15, maybe 80% b/c you only look for women at bars & clubs?), you talk like sex is all they ARE. They are people. They are women, and just because you’re too shallow to see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Again, that does NOT mean I’m saying you should marry one. I’m saying that judging gets you nowhere. Women like that are a mess. They need help, not assholes judging them. Do you honestly think that they don’t know that their lives are in shambles?

          Lastly, did you tell your friend when he was going home w/ a new girl every night that he was the scum of the Earth and a useless dirtbag? If you didn’t, then there’s my argument. If you’re gonna diss the women, diss the men too. Those women use men for money; those men use women for sex. Neither is a respectable thing to do; neither party is correct, so if you’re gonna point the finger, point it at everyone.

          I understand why you have an attitude towards the girls though. They called you an asshole & have an attitude towards you, so now you have an attitude with them, but seriously think about where you are, man. You’re on feminspire. Complain about your hatred towards female bullies on or something.