The Get-You-Wasted-You’re-Going-To-Need-It Debate Drinking Game
Tonight is the fourth–and final–debate of the election season. We’re in the home stretch, guys. Are you pumped–or do you just want it to be over? Are you watching because you care or because you feel a vague notion that you should in order to be a good citizen? Doesn’t matter–don’t do it sober. Tonight’s topic is foreign policy and will be moderated by Bob Schieffer, so expect a knockdown, drag-out battle over who said what and when they said it in regards to Libya–and hopefully we’ll have some time for the Iran/Israel tension and Syria and maybe if we’re really really lucky, a discussion of human rights atrocities going on in places like the Democratic Republic of Congo, Uganda, and North Korea.
The Rules — During the Debate
Take a drink every time:
1. Someone refers to the now-infamous interjection of Candy Crowley in last week’s debate.
2. They tie a foreign policy issue to a domestic issue–for example, how China affects our economy. Double drink if they talk about women’s health.
3. Every time President Obama mentions that he killed Osama bin Ladin.
4. Every time someone uses the word ‘folks.’ Listen, Mr. President, Governor Romneybot, both of you have Ivy League post-graduate degrees. That’s not a bad thing. Neither of you are folksy though. Sorry, y’all. You sound weird and creepy when you use words like the aforementioned ‘y’all.’ I don’t really think your lack of folksiness would be an issue if you just stopped trying to force it, which sounds so weird and fake that it’s creepy. This especially goes for you, Romney.
5. When they mention the terrorists. Don’t let the terrorists win.
6. Every time they mention Iran. Except don’t drink from your own glass, invade your drinking compani0n’s personal space and drink their drink.
7. If Romney mentions his experience running the Olympics.
8. Drink every time they mispronounce a word. Double-drink if it’s an English word.
9. Whenever they get out of line, start chugging. Don’t stop until the moderator reigns them back in.
10. This is a special for all of you who like to watch your Twitter feed go wild during the debate: drink for every tweet that simply quotes a line of the debate that everyone reading Twitter is watching. (I’m all for live-tweeting the debates, and most likely will be doing it myself, but still…)
You’ll notice that I didn’t mention anything about Libya. That’s because I want y’all to live long, healthy lives and alcohol poisoning is not conducive to that goal.
Are you going to tune in to one of the many cable news networks before or after the debate? Whether you’re watching MSNBC, Fox News (why?), or CNN, you’re in for a seemingly interminable number of talking heads who will offer you their analysis. You can even get a taste of that online at Politico or Huffington Post Live, who will stream punditry right to your computer.
So the rules for the pre/post spin:
Drink every time:
1. They talk about the undecided voters.
2. They mention the gender gap.
3. They mention a swing state, especially Ohio, which to a strange alien unfamiliar with the American political system would look like The Only State That Matters. (If you get bored, think about how a lot of politics looks to aliens unfamiliar with the American political system)
4. Every time they allude to the moderation and mention Candy Crowley.
5. They mention Obama’s lackluster first debate performance.
6. They quote a poll. Take a shot if it contradicts the last poll they shot. Do a kegstand if they mention the ‘poll of polls.’ If you don’t have a keg, just keep chugging.
7. If they talk about one of the memes that have come out of this presidential election.
8. MSNBC edition: drink every time Chris Matthews gets emotional or Rachel Maddow says something snarky.
9. Fox News edition: just get drunk, you’re watching Fox News.
10. CNN edition: drink every time Wolf Blitzer looks sad, confused and lost and every time they use some completely unnecessary high-tech device.
Written by Jess Mary Aloe, with input from the Feminspire staff! Follow her on Twitter and watch her
drunkenly live tweet the debate!