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Feminspire | April 18, 2014

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The Definitive Guide To Feeling Sexy

The Definitive Guide To Feeling Sexy

There’s an abundance of articles floating around the internet instructing women on how to release their inner sex goddess, bag the man of their dreams, please their guy in the bedroom, or practice the most terrifying and bizarrely unsexual manevours such as ‘firmly holding the bottom of his shaft in one hand and slowly pushing it towards the base. (Imagine you’re pushing his penis into his body)’. Yes, quite hilariously, that right there is a real Cosmo sex tip.

And so I give you the alternative guide to feeling sexy. You’ll find no ‘take a run to get those endorphins pumping’ (works for some I’m sure, but the one time I ran anywhere was probably the most sweaty, grumpy and downright distressed I have ever been) or ‘make sure to shave your legs at every hint of a stubbled hair’ (so every two hours, great) in this article. In fact, you may not even find this guide all that conducive to attracting men and having sex, at least at first. My aim with all this is to push you in the right direction to instilling a feeling of sexiness in you that’s natural, not forced, and all about you feeling good, whether you’re getting busy in the bedroom or not.


Now the last thing I’d want to do is crush all individuality out of your sexy selves by telling you that the key to feeling hot is to look an exact certain way; it’s just not true, and nor would it be a good thing if it were. But I think there are some rules of thumb we can give a little time to. For a start, I think for many women, looking kind of badass is a surefire way to feeling sexier. Wearing all black immediately makes me feel great; it’s flattering, mysterious and stands out in a subtle way. Similarly, a vampy make up look complete with dark lips and lashings of mascara, paired with volumised hair and big chunky shoes… unf.

Now I’ve heard from my own personal field research that this is not the look most men go for, preferring a more natural girly look, but firstly, strictly speaking I’m intending to please myself, not men, and secondly, the more confident and hot you think you are in your own clothing choices, the more attractive you’re going to be to others who are worth your time. Plus, not everyone wants to look sexy for men!

However, I do get the feeling that sexy underwear is of pretty much unanimous appeal among the sexes. Yes it is a bit of a faff, yes it’s not as comfortable as an undergarment should be, but considering all the minds that will be blown when they catch a glimpse of you all suited up in it (and somehow you’ll be the most impressed, I promise), it’s worth it. Agent Provocateur is listed in my safari favourites just so I can hopelessly gawk at it every day, but lingerie needn’t be all that expensive to have an impact. This American Apparel garter belt is a wonderful basic that sits really well under clothes (the lacy frilly affairs tend to bunch up) and has a very secure clip on to your stockings (huge selections avaliable for not too much at Ann Summers, American Apparel and even good old M&S. Pair with a black lacy bra and knicker set that needn’t be from a fancy lingerie shop and I assure you, you’ll feel amazing. There is really no bigger confidence boost than knowing the tops of your stockings are just one inch away from sight under your skirt.

Another style of underwear I’m a huge fan of are long line bras (Topshop currently have a good few) and high waisted knickers. Feeling comfortable and dressed up can make the world of difference to how sexy you feel in your underwear, and these styles cover you up just that little bit more without being dowdy at all.


Once upon a time, I was rendezvousing in a young man’s (well, actually he was pretty fucking old) bedroom and things were just beginning to escalate, when he got up and quickly whacked on a playlist. About four songs down the line I realised that this was in fact a 100% certified sex playlist. Clearly, the sole purpose of this playlist was to have sex to, and do you know what, it worked a charm. I thought it a little too awkward to leap right in there and say ‘oh my god, this is the best sex playlist I’ve ever heard, you must burn me a copy’, but let me tell you I am regretting that decision now. After giving this some thought, I remembered that another guy I once saw for a while had a playlist entitled ‘Songs To Make Girls Wet’, and thus decided that this was a thing. And if it’s not a thing then it certainly should be.

I have far from perfected my sex playlist (and seriously considering texting that guy and asking for a copy of his now, Feminspire Needs To Know – it was that good) but I’ve picked out a couple of songs I think are pretty good for getting in the mood to. I’m sure you’ll have your own already (tell me in the comments!) and music moves us in very different ways (i.e some of my choices are simultaneously sexy and kinda depressing), but no doubt about it there’s a lot of tunes out there that do wonders for boosting how sexy you feel.


Now this I think is where the key lies. Because really, it doesn’t matter what you look like, what you listen to, or who you’re trying to attract, and I hope the above just served to inspire you to investigate some influences that’ll bring you to this: having the sexiest attitude and outlook you can. I truly believe the sexiest people are the happiest, the least anxious, the most interesting and often, those strange and wonderful creatures than can not give a fuck what others think of them. It takes work, a whole lot of confidence and to be honest, downright vanity, but anyone can get there. I’m a firm believer in the idea that sex is kinda weird, deeply personal, quite awkward, occasionally embarrassing and often a little gross, and what a blessing that is. When else do you end up exposing so much of yourself to another person, and on reflection, how good must that be for your own self acceptance and personal confidence?!

One of the best things you can ever do with a sexual partner is communicate openly and with total abandon. Plucking up the courage (and of course it can be really rather scary) to ask for what you want them to try with you can be one of the most empowering, and satisfying, sensations in the world. But just remember, sex is not a chore, or something that should be happening at all if it’s not feeling right, and having the confidence and self-knowing to voice your desires with someone you’re allowing that close into your life could just change the way you see sex, and perhaps even yourself, forever.

How do you make yourself feel sexy? Leave us a comment and share!

Written by Sylvia Fox