Thank You Italian Court For Protecting Male Pride And Balls
Have you ever insulted a man by challenging the existence of his balls? Yes, I said balls – those floppy things that hang on either side of the penis, pulsing with semen. Not the most attractive part of the body (at least, not in my humble female opinion), but men take great pride in their floppy sacks, so much so that they become emotionally crippled and devastatingly insecure at the suggestion that their balls may not exist.
Well gentlemen, rejoice – if you live in Italy, your suffering is over.
As of a ruling earlier this week, the Italian Supreme Court has deemed it illegal to tell a man that he has no balls, an act which will now be punishable by fine.
As an American lady, I am a big supporter of freedom of speech, but I also believe that there are some things that just should not be said. For example, “Hitler was awesome.” No one should be saying Hitler was awesome. That’s total bullshit. Along the same lines, “God hates fags.” Those Westboro Church folks? I wish we could just arrest them all.
But above all else, I believe that men shouldn’t be subjected to the misery and anguish that comes from an insult to their balls (or supposed lack-thereof). *cue eye-roll*
When you tell a guy that he doesn’t have balls, do you even know what you’re doing? You’re not only wounding his pride, but the pride of the male gender as a whole. Yeah, I bet you hadn’t considered that little ramification. I bet you feel bad now.
As the male judge proclaimed in his ruling:
Apart from the vulgarity of the term used, the expression definitely also has an injurious quality. It refers not only to the target’s lack of virility but also to his weakness of character, lack of determination, competence and coherence — virtues that, rightly or wrongly, are still identified as pertaining to the male gender.
Thank you, Italian judge who is so insignificant that we couldn’t even find your name on the source that this article is based on. Finally, someone brave enough to stand up in the name of men and balls and lay down the effing law.
Now, as happy as I am in the wake of this ruling, as a woman I have to wonder: what about the rest of us? I know that our pride isn’t as important as that of men, but it does kind of suck to be called a whore, a slut, a cunt, a bitch and all that.
Well ladies, unfortunately our time has yet to come. The brave judge has not yet decreed whether any insults against women should also be punishable under the law.
Ah well. We shall wait our turns.
In the meantime, join me in expressing your elation about this new ruling. Leave a comment below and share your thoughts!
Written by Rhiannon Payne