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Feminspire | April 24, 2014

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Sex and the Sarah: Signs of a Bad Texter

Sex and the Sarah: Signs of a Bad Texter

There are a lot of things that can kill a flirtation buzz for me — an unfortunate haircut; a homophobic sentiment; a lack of appropriate Leslie Knope worship — but nothing does it quite like bad texting. In this modern world where texting is the new first impression in dating, it is absolutely imperative that one be a good texter. What do I mean by good? Witty, charming, involved, interesting: the usual! These things are just as possible — and as necessary — to convey over text.

One of the most disappointing things is meeting someone cute and mate-able, only to find out that they’re secretly a bore. I can only handle so much disappointment, people! This is why I’ve decided to compose a list of texting pet peeves.

People who don’t use punctuation.

Run-on sentences are not sexy. Also, punctuation can change the meaning of a text. For example, “still going to so-and-so’s party” is a lot different than “still going to so-and-so’s party?” If these get confused, social chaos might ensue.

Using emoticons inappropriately.

I love emoticons. They can really make a conversation seem more human. But it’s important that they are used properly. For example, using the bashful, rosy-cheeked face when you’re telling me about your shitty day at work does not make sense to me.

Waiting hours before returning a text.

Everyone knows how scary this feeling is. We dread unrequited love or crushes, and the painful period of waiting for a text is this kind of nervousness playing on loop. And come on, you mean you have better things to do than talk to me? What? A job? I should look into getting one of those.

The five-minute “playing hard to get” waiting period.

I guess I don’t get mad about this one, it’s just a self-esteem boost when it’s disregarded. Either way, no matter how excited I am to get that text from you, even I will sometimes wait that five minutes before I text back. Call it an exercise in discipline.

Sending dirty pictures too early.

A dick pic is no way to break the ice, and neither is asking for one of my bare ass. Do what you want with your body — but make sure the other person’s okay with it too. And let’s be sure that we see these parts in the flesh before we send each other crappy pixelated versions of them.

What are your texting pet peeves when it comes to potential relationship partners? Share with me in the comments!

Written by Sarah Garner
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Header image courtesy of Moriza