Hope y’all had a good week! Looks like everyone’s in a sexy mood. I hope y’all are getting some!

Again, I’m doing questions in the order I get them, so if your question isn’t answered… have life problems sooner, okay? You can leave questions here, e-mail them to [email protected], tweet them to me, or leave a question on our Facebook page. (Have you “liked” our Facebook page yet? You do know that you can win a 250 dollar gift certificate, right?)

I am going to college and I have little experience with boys and I have no immediate plans to lose my virginity but, does it hurt? -Curious

For me, personally, it didn’t hurt. I remember thinking, “that’s it?” and being surprised that there was no blood. I was young and had images of bloody sheets and horrible pain and neither of those things happened! I’d love to tell you that your experience will be exactly the same–not a big deal at all.  All I’d like to do is tell you that it won’t hurt a bit!  Unfortunately, I know some women who’ve told me their first times were painful.

But the good news: that doesn’t mean your first experience with penetration will be you lying there trying to breathe through the pain just to “get it over with.” If you’re worried or anxious, I’d recommend that you’re sober during your first time, and with someone with whom you feel comfortable communicating. That doesn’t mean you can only have sex, even for the first time, in the context of a committed relationship. (Though if that’s what you want, you should wait!) If you’re worried, you want to feel comfortable saying; “please stop, that hurts.”

Note: I don’t want to give the impression that I think there’s anything wrong with one-night stands or even losing your virginity during a one-night stand. If that’s what you want, great! If you just want to get it over with, there’s nothing wrong with that!

I’d also recommend lots of foreplay, lube and patience! Also, while you have no immediate plans to lose your virginity (and you shouldn’t rush if you don’t want to!), I’d recommend exploring masturbation and touching yourself, if you don’t already. If you’re able, go into a sex shop like Toys in Babeland (geared towards women), and get yourself a toy!

Where’s the best place to buy sexy lingerie? And what are your favorite kinds? – FL

I don’t know where you are in the world (unless FL is your state?) so I’m going to focus on online retailers. Personally, I love lingerie. I like the pretty, demure, lacy stuff and I like stuff that’s more risque. However, I struggle with buying it because my bra size is 34E. It’s very possible that there are some great stores that cater to the standard 30-38 A-D range that I’m ignoring (because they ignore me.)

My go-tos: the bargain section of Trashy.com is great for corsets, bustiers, and costumes, as well as the more standard bra and panty set and Fredericks of Hollywood, especially the “ultra sexy” section. I like to online window shop at Kiki de Montparnasse and Agent Provocateur, though I’ve never ordered from them because that’s expensive lingerie! I buy bras at Nordstrom Rack, or at figleaves.com, but if you have A-D cups, I’m sure there are more options. I would love more suggestions, though. I love lingerie.

If what you mean by “my favorite kinds” is “what I feel sexiest wearing?”,  I would say anything with garters and crotchless panties, the kind that have a little slit for easy access. Sometimes it’s fun to have sex while still all dressed up.

And sometimes, you don’t need to overthink it. I found my favorite pair of crotchless panties–pink and black lace, with attached garters–at Spencer’s Gifts, that place in every suburban mall with lots of black light, weed paraphernalia, and t-shirts with dumb sayings on it. (Head towards the back.)

Sidenote: has anyone else ever gotten dressed really fast and realized halfway through their workday they were wearing crotchless panties, or is it just me?

I really want to have [a threesome] with my bf + another girl, but I’m not sure how to find the right third or how it would work. Also, I feel a little uncomf with the idea of my bf’s dick inside someone else, I’m fine with the rest though. – Anonymous

If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of your boyfriend’s dick inside someone else, make that a rule! There’s no Set Rules of Threesomes that we can never violate. Let him know what you are and aren’t comfortable with, and invite him to do the same! Do some research, by which I mean watch some threesome porn together and discuss it, or read some threesome erotica. While professional porn is often too overproduced and fake to get any real insight, there’s a huge amount of amateur porn out there. Figure out what it is about the threesome that draws you both to it.

I’ll be frank: I’ve had group sex experiences before, and none of them were positive, because none of them were planned. They were all drunken, impulsive events and while I don’t regret them, I don’t look back at them fondly. No one knew where each other’s boundaries were, or what their expectations were, and the bad outweighed the good.

You should discuss with your boyfriend how to find the third. Are you more comfortable with a stranger that you have the option of never seeing again? I’d recommend the internet, then. You could do Craigslist, or see if OK Cupid allows couples to make profiles. You can also maybe look up body-positive, kink-positive, feminist sex shops in your city (like the aforementioned Toys in Babeland) and see if they have any suggestions! Once you find a lady who is willing, take her out on a date! Get to know her a little, maybe have some drinks, and if you get any warning signs, come up with a signal.

If you want to use a friend, each of you make a list of lady friends who you would want to sleep with and a list of lady friends who would make you uncomfortable. Anyone on either of your “uncomfortable” list gets crossed off automatically. Then, next time it’s just you and her hanging out, bring up threesomes. However, be prepared to be rejected. I once had a friend proposition me for a threesome. She was drunk and it was over AIM, but it still wasn’t something I was interested in, and it made things awkward for awhile.

Done right, a threesome can be a great opportunity to have fun and even strengthen your relationship! Have fun.

So, do you have a question for me this week? As I said, I’ll try my best to answer – and we’ve made it easy for you, all you have to do is submit a comment below! I’ll be checking back. 

Written by Jess Mary Aloe
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