Nail Friday: March Of The Penguins
Nothing says “It’s summertime!” like penguins, amirite? No, I’m not. But they’re cute as shit and can hold a steady monogamous relationship – which is all a girl like me can really ask for. Not to mention, I’ve gotten a ton of compliments on them, and who doesn’t love a good compliment (aside from me because I just get all “Who? Me? You like what? INCONGRUENCY ALERT!”)? Here’s how to get nails so damned cute a woman taking your blood pauses, mid needle insertion, to rave about them.
Let’s start out with the basics. You need a basecoat, penguin body color (preferably something gray, lavender, periwinkle, etc.), black for the eyes, an orangey color for the beak and tootsies, and a topcoat (AKA Seche Vite). As for the i̶m̶p̶l̶e̶m̶e̶n̶t̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶o̶r̶t̶u̶r̶e̶ nail tools, you need a dotting tool (or a toothpick, let’s be real) and those nail stickers that I gushed extensively about in the last post.
Okay, I did use an actual dotting tool, but don’t forget, I am the “nail expert” here at Feminspire. “If you got the dotting tool, flaunt the dotting tool,” no one said ever. I used sticker number 2 for this tutorial.
You’ll see that I tore the sticker in half to make two separate stickers. This knowledge will be essential to your existence later. You can also make the penguin faces/tummies freehand in which case, the knowledge will mean absolutely nothing to you.
First, quickly slap on that ever-useless basecoat and then paint all of your nails the penguin body color. I chose China Glaze’s “Secret Periwinkle.” I wonder if the secret is that periwinkle originally meant penis.
Next, pick the fingers you want penguins on (all of them if you’re feeling particularly saucy) and add the aforementioned ripped strips (new band name?) near the cuticle. You want to leave a sliver of the blue showing underneath the sticker. You can ignore this step if you want to freehand the white part.
Now, paint over the blue part with a white nail polish. I laid down a coat of Seche Vite before I started this part because again, I have the patience of an opposite-of-a-saint. I used OPI’s “Alpine Snow.” You want to use the sticker as a guide to follow the natural curvature of your nail. You’re essentially drawing a smaller white nail on top of your nail.
Boom. Judge me for the mess of blue polish on my cuticles and I will cut you. I’m sloppy and we’ve gone over this. Next, let the white section dry for about five minutes and then dip the end of the dotting tool into your black polish (OPI’s “Onyx” for me) and carefully dot two black spots for the penguins’ eyes onto the white area that you just painted.
Stop here if you’re doing ghost nails. To add the beak, take your orangey color (Sally Hansen’s Longest Nail Polish Name Ever in “Snappy Sorbert”) and dab a small line right between the eyes with the tip of your brush. For the bitty penguin feet, do the same but a little bigger on either side of the bottom border of the white part. If that didn’t make sense, and it shouldn’t, here’s a picture of what it looks like.
No wonder that woman stopped taking my blood. You’ll notice the middle finger penguin looks better; that’s because this look works better on shorter nails. Fat animals are always cuter, if you ask me and Jon Arbuckle. Let everything dry for about ten minutes before adding your final topcoat. Like with most of my tutorials, if you try to seal that shit in too quickly you’ll streak the colors over each other and be absolutely inconsolable. Not only that, you’ll get no compliments on your penguins.
Here’s a final picture, with all five fingers (as promised) and *BONUS JONAS* my smug mug.
I hope you all enjoyed this installment of Nail Friday. Next week I will be in Panama visiting my boyfriend’s massage-therapist sister who has peeped my nail creations on the interwebz and is desperately excited for me to try something on her (glutton for punishment?). I will probably document this occasion but not the professional massage I receive as a reward afterwards (unless you guys want me to and then I still won’t). As always, comments, suggestions, and especially compliments (today’s theme!) are more than welcomed in the comments section below.