Brazilian. Bermuda Triangle. Landing Strip. No, I’m not talking about taking a private jet to a private island with my sexy Latin lover, I’m talking about hair “down-there”. The amount of hype around vajayjay coifs (or lack thereof) is alarming, to say the least. It seems like everyone has an opinion on how us women should be groomed in our nethers, without much of a real care as to what we think about the situation.
But apparently, thank God, everyone is really concerned with what men think about how to style our baby-making entrance! Nad’s surveyed 1,000 men earlier this month and surprisingly an all-bare down-there is no longer en vogue. Nearly half (43 percent, to be exact) of the men questioned said they enjoy a groomed, trimmed Jean Valgina, and not the seemingly popular full-out Brazilian. Ladies, rejoice! Rip up your salon rewards card! Go buy the box set of Big Love with the 60 dollars and the subsequent itching you’ll be saving yourself this month!
This news is good, I guess. I’m mainly hopeful because maybe it means we’re finally ushering out of a glossed up, oiled down, Barbie-bodied internet porn era that has dictated how men have deemed women desirable over the last two decades. On the other hand, this whole survey seems totally irrelevant, because I don’t know about you, but I don’t really care what men think I should do with my pubic hair. Because it’s mine, and I’ve never been in a sexual situation (although I’m sure they exist) where someone has gotten down there and been like “fuck nope”. I do what I want with my body. Period. Full stop.
But now, ladies, we have to deal with this fuckery. That’s right — a San Francisco waxing salon is now offering, and I can barely type this without wincing, Vajacials. Which is pretty much what you think it is, a facial for “down there”.
BellaSugar.com reports: …the 50-minute treatment ($60) involves four steps. First, skin is cleansed with an antibacterial body wash and witch hazel. Then, a papaya-based exfoliating gel goes on before the esthetician extracts ingrown hairs. After that, an anti-freckle, anti-acne, or calming mask is applied. It finishes off with an application of lightening cream.
Am I the only person that would actually rather just wipe my ass with the 60 dollars and flush it down the toilet then prescribe to this completely ludicrous, male-gazed bullshit? The only part of this that sounds even slightly worth the time, money, and (I’m sure) discomfort is the extraction of ingrown hairs, because every woman knows what a Satan-spawned horror those can be. But I’m sorry, anti-freckle, anti-acne, or calming mask? Come again? My vagina does not need calming, thank you very much. Although maybe she does after reading this garbage. And a lightening cream!? I wasn’t aware that she was too dark. Are we now discriminating against vagina color? Is that a thing that exists?
…holy shit, there’s a market for labia dye, so apparently so!
She’s just chilling, living her life, cool like the other side of the pillow. It’s not an open wound that needs to be tended to. If you didn’t know, your girly bits basically regulate themselves. It’s been proven time and time again that douching or anything with scents, sprays, or harsh chemicals is bad for your gal pal. Just don’t fuck with it. And don’t give into the social pressure to fuck with it; be it waxing, shaving, plucking, or making it smell like the inside of Strawberry Shortcake’s oven filled with rainbows and sparkles. It’s an organ that is pure in purpose and capable of the biggest miracle on Earth: birth. Do whatever you want with it. Give it a mohawk and a dye-job and tell everyone it’s name is “Spike” for all I care. But make sure you’re doing it for you, and not to please any of it’s potential (and lucky) admirers.
What do you think? Should men have a say in your grooming habits? Do you think “Vajacials” are as bogus as we do? Let us know in the comments below.
Written by Chelsea J. Leibow
Follow her blog, Chelsea Twentysomething!