Nothing says “I’ll love and cherish you forever” like faking your own grisly demise.

At least, that’s what Alexey Bykov thought would be an appropriate way to propose to his girlfriend. Bykov hired an extensive team of stuntmen, makeup artists, and even a director to create a scene of carnage for girlfriend Irino Kolokov to chance upon, thinking she was meeting her boyfriend for a date, Gawker translated from Russian media.

Not only did Kolokov have to witness what she thought was a terrible car accident involving her boyfriend, an actor posing as a paramedic told her that the man she was in love with was dead. As Kolokov burst into tears, Bykov calmly stood up and said what I can only imagine in Russian translates to, “LOL JK, marry me?” And in a decision almost as stupid as the faux death, Kolokov said yes.

Why would anyone think that this method of proposal would be better than a choreographed dance sequence that goes viral on YouTube, or simply getting down on one knee?  “I wanted her to realize how empty her life would be without me and how life would have no meaning without me,” Bykov said. What a story for the grandkids.

At least she and Bykov have the option to raise a family. In other terrible proposal news this week, California man Selvin Chajon Rodriguez killed his ex-girlfriend and their two children, both under the age of 5, after she wouldn’t accept his engagement ring.

The Los Angeles Times reported that Rodriguez proposed to Laura Reveriano in front of their children, and Reveriano said no, as anyone proposed to has the right to do. But that wasn’t the answer Rodriguez wanted, so he threatened to kill the mother, son and daughter, a threat he allegedly carried out, despite a restraining order Reveriano was granted.

Rodriguez has been charged with three counts of murder with use of a knife, first-degree burglary, attempted carjacking, stealing the victim’s vehicle, making criminal threats, child endangerment involving a death, and resisting arrest, according to The Huffington Post, and could face the death penalty if convicted.

Proposals permeate the world in which we live. Radio and television commercials show women chastising their husbands or fiancés about where they bought the ring (“He went to Jared!”), or fawning over diamonds on any piece of jewelry, wrapping their arms around their partner’s neck, either to lean in for a kiss or give a hug while still getting to see their pretty rock sparkle over his shoulder.

Viral videos show insanely adorable proposals or hilarious rejections, both of which put even more pressure on a nerve-wracking experience for anyone putting their heart on the line for a “yes” or “no” answer.

Social constructions mandate that at least three months salary should be spent on a ring, while “research” (actual data and methods aren’t published) conducted by United Kingdom jeweler Marlow’s found that the average UK man spends £1,329 on an engagement ring, roughly $2,130.

And who says men have to be the ones popping the question? Feminists argue equality among our male peers, which means there should be equal opportunity for either partner to propose. From Zales and Kay to Amazon and Wal-Mart, bands with or without diamonds are sold that could serve as perfect ring box inhabitants when a woman promises to commit her life to the man she loves.

Same-sex couples and allies are still fighting for the right to marry in all 50 states, so who asks who may not necessarily be the idea on which to focus.

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi just celebrated their fourth wedding anniversary. DeGeneres proposed in 2008, soon after California ruled that a ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional. By the end of that same year, a November vote once again outlawed same-sex marriage.

After the New York Senate passed a bill that allows same-sex marriage into law, Neil Patrick Harris and partner David Burtka blogged and Tweeted that they each proposed to the other, and both said yes.

Engagement culture needs some radical rethinking. One-upping the last lip-dub/flash mob proposal should be replaced with honest discussion about the commitment marriage entails. In this economy, rings, ceremonies and receptions could put a couple in serious debt. Don’t align your standards with advertisements, but with what you can afford. And understand that the unquestioned ability of heterosexual couples to get engaged and married isn’t a right all people share.

If you like it, you should put some serious thought into what it means to put a ring on it.

Written by Lauren Slavin