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Feminspire | April 20, 2014

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ATTACK OF THE FANNY PACK: It’s Back, Y’all!

ATTACK OF THE FANNY PACK: It’s Back, Y’all!

Sup, players? I’m a skirt wearin’ kinda person. Most days when you see me, my ample hips are swathed in swirls of fabric. Well, not always swirls, I’m a big fan of the pencil skirt. But the problem with a lot of skirts and dresses and, well, most clothing for women, is the obvious lack of pockets! Why are you yanking me around, clothing designers? I need pockets! I typically carry stuff in my bra, but it’s getting hot out and soaking my items in boob sweat is a drag.

That’s why in the summer months I like to break out a motherfucking fanny pack. What’s that you say? Fanny packs are for middle-aged people in Vegas who wear tall white socks and tank tops tucked into too-tight walking shorts? I don’t care. Those people have a place to put their stuff and they’re wearing comfortable, practical clothing. So get over the idea of the fanny pack as something outdated and weird and bring it back into your wardrobe as something weird, but also awesome. Adapt that practicality and functionality to your fashions and work that fanny pack this season!

1. What’s that? Mint and metal? Awwww hellz yeah. Two things I love combined into one rad fanny pack. What would I keep in it? Whatever I felt like!

I keep my wallet, tampons, and keys to the city of awesomeville in this puppy. I keep my wallet, tampons, and keys to the city of awesomeville in this puppy.

2. They’re calling this design tulip splatter, but you and I both know this is really a galaxy print hip pack that’s gonna blow your mind like franzia wine.

This one holds the keys to the Millenium Falcon, and your heart. This one holds the keys to the Millenium Falcon, and your heart.

3. This one has that chic as hell late 80′s/early 90′s hotel decor feel, which makes it cool in a creepy ‘hangin’ out with the peeps from a Journey cover band’ kind of way.

Maybe they only wash the comforters here once a year, but maybe I LIKE that, ok? Maybe they only wash the comforters here once a year, but maybe I LIKE that, okay?

4. If you wake up in the morning and your outfit is a little tired and lacking pockets, strap a pocketed ruffle to your butt and BLAMMO! Two birds with one beautiful fanny pack stone! It’s pretty much a detachable bustle.

Need/Want/Desire, I can't tell the difference when I gaze upon the glory that is this bag. Need/Want/Desire, I can’t tell the difference when I gaze upon the glory that is this bag.

5. Feeling as though your life is pretty tame and you need some time in the great outdoors to release your feral spirit? Strap this puppy on and carry the great outdoors with you always and forever! (Or until you take it off.)

RAWR!RAWR!

6. If you’re not into the hydration pack scene, or if you need more hydration than what one pack can give you, consider this little gem. It’s got a place for all your goodies, plus the added bonus of hydration. Or booze. It’s your fanny pack and you can put whatever you want in there.

for my fellow practical patty's!For my fellow practical patty’s!

7. Be a hero, wear a hero. The comic book nerd in me died with joy when I saw this. But then I was reborn into a parallel universe and kept on going so I could finish this awesome fanny fucking pack post, y’all.

super hero fanny perk

8. FUCK YEAH, CUPCAKES!!!!

What else is there to say? This is everything. What else is there to say? This is everything.

9. I like this one because I’m pretty sure that when you wear big leaves, you don’t have to wear pants.

BONUS! The outline of the leaf glows in the dark, y'all!BONUS! The outline of the leaf glows in the dark, y’all!

10. While I can’t say that I’ve ever spoken to Ms. Frizzle personally, per se, I can say that I’ve admired her as both a child and an adult, and I bite her style often. I’m preeeettttyyyy sure That Ms. Frizzle would rock this awesome pack on a field trip to outer space via your digestive track.

space, man

11. Neon is everywhere this spring and if you want to add a little dash to your fashions, this pretty little pack adds a pop of color, along with a place to store your toothpicks, chunks of meat, wallet, and a comb.

full of secrets and mysteries!Full of secrets and mysteries!

11. Did you know they make fanny packs… for your bewbz™?!?!?!!!! Me neither! They’re waterproof, too, so I guess I can keep carrying my stuff in my bra all summer! This one is a kickstarter, but coming soon, and I’m stooooked about it.

boobypack

Are you rockin’ a fanny pack? Do you call them a hip pack? Do you have pictures of you in your fanny packs? (I mean like, pictures of you wearing them. If you carry pictures of yourself in your packs, you’re doubly cool) Meet me down in the comments and show me your packs!

Written by Sara Luckey
You can tweet with her here, talk beauty with her here, or engage in a conversation about current events as viewed through a sociopolitical, feminist lens here.

  • https://twitter.com/Doc_Holligay Doc Holligay

    I would totally wear that bustle one. You know I would. But on my ass, natch.

    On another note, there are detachable bustles and VERY FASHIONABLE PEOPLE SOMETIMES WEAR THEM OUT.

    • Sara Luckey

      I really do plan on getting one to wear on my butt. I think it will be awesome for Sunday Funday’s full of patio drinking. I need a way to carry all my fun things with me without being able to set it down and forget it. PROBLEM SOLVED!

  • Mamarack

    I have the Kinies ruffle-butt pack and I love it. I have it in grey so that it doesn’t draw quite so much attention (I use it mainly for work, as a photographer) but it’s still super cute. Plus, I think it passes well as a quirky little shoulder bag if I’m going out after work and don’t want to walk around with it on my waist.

    • Sara Luckey

      I LOVE the idea of having it double as a shoulder bag. That’s so rad! I really dug those and was so stoked to find them.

      • Mamarack

        If you get one, go for bold! I would have loved the red (or purple, or leopard…) but being for business purposes, had to restrain myself. It’s a great bag, though, and holds waaaay more than I ever would have thought. Totally worth the cost, IMO.

  • Sara H.

    This is the best article ever. I was totally convinced that all the fanny packs would suck (cuz I’m a child of the 80s and I always hated those things!), but the ruffle one is fucking AMAZING. I am buying one right now. Literally, right this minute. And then I will study it and figure out how to make more for myself! THANK YOU FOR THIS ARTICLE! :D

    • Sara Luckey

      OH SNAP! What color ruffle one did you get? I want to score a red one to showcase my butt while storing all my wares. I am so excited for you!

      • Sara H.

        Man, I was totally going to get one in grey… but then I found this baby: https://www.etsy.com/listing/119308191/fanny-pack-a-modern-gadget-case-waist

        I still want a ruffle one, but this one was only $33 USD including shipping to Canada, and the ruffled one was $55 with shipping (and this way, I can now also buy some BB cream, which I’ve never tried before… cuz I don’t know dick about makeup, lol). :D What do you think of this one?

        • Sara Luckey

          Did you alredy buy it? I clicked and the item had been sold! If so, good for you, action jackson! I want the leaf one in the post to wear with my bathing suit this summer. It screams ‘take me canoeing and keep your treasures in me!’
          BB cream is AWESOME! I’m also into CC cream. Have you tried that? Ugh. Skincare products are so damn fun.

          • Sara H.

            WHOA! There is so much I don’t know about beauty products! LOL I DID already buy that one, even before I commented! :) I’m totally stoked to get it, I’m bursting at the seams! :D I still want a ruffle one though, when I can afford it, I will totally get one. :)

  • Sara H.
    • Sara Luckey

      ADORABLE! It’s so shabby chic and adorable! Nice find!

      • Sara H.

        That’s the last one that is super reduced, you should TOTES buy it! :D

  • katekari

    Awesome possum! I want one of each! I am a skirt-or-dress person too, and I miss pockets like woah. Seriously, designers, there are exactly ZERO reasons for a voluminous 50s-style skirt to not have pockets! Sarah Bunting had a fabulous rant on this topic years ago that included instructions to the Retail Fashion Industry to “take a lengthy swim in Lake Skirts With Pockets, and I mean pronto.” PREACH.

    • Sara Luckey

      I hope that a fanny pack revolution starts and we all run around, swinging them over our heads, whooping it up, and having access to all of our stuff when we need it. HUZZAH!

  • Az

    LOVE. IT. I have a mega-pack that holds my wallet, camera, and whatever else I need, and usually only wear it on vacation, but the raz I take from friends and (worse) my ubber-cool daughters! Whatever, don’t be asking me to carry none of your crap, sweetcheeks. You make do with your little satchel. Phyyyt!

  • robinemma

    Perfect for festival season :) I really like the urban outfitters one but it is sold out.

  • Debbie

    why was the Hipshack by may.tree.ark not included in this? Its a lovely design, no?

  • http://bestlinkproviders.com/ sdwardhenry

    wesome possum! I want one of each! I am a skirt-or-dress person too, and I miss pockets like woah. Seriously, designers, there are exactly ZERO reasons for a voluminous 50s-style skirt to not have pockets! Sketsa rumah minimalis