Sup, players? I’m a skirt wearin’ kinda person. Most days when you see me, my ample hips are swathed in swirls of fabric. Well, not always swirls, I’m a big fan of the pencil skirt. But the problem with a lot of skirts and dresses and, well, most clothing for women, is the obvious lack of pockets! Why are you yanking me around, clothing designers? I need pockets! I typically carry stuff in my bra, but it’s getting hot out and soaking my items in boob sweat is a drag.
That’s why in the summer months I like to break out a motherfucking fanny pack. What’s that you say? Fanny packs are for middle-aged people in Vegas who wear tall white socks and tank tops tucked into too-tight walking shorts? I don’t care. Those people have a place to put their stuff and they’re wearing comfortable, practical clothing. So get over the idea of the fanny pack as something outdated and weird and bring it back into your wardrobe as something weird, but also awesome. Adapt that practicality and functionality to your fashions and work that fanny pack this season!
1. What’s that? Mint and metal? Awwww hellz yeah. Two things I love combined into one rad fanny pack. What would I keep in it? Whatever I felt like!
2. They’re calling this design tulip splatter, but you and I both know this is really a galaxy print hip pack that’s gonna blow your mind like franzia wine.
3. This one has that chic as hell late 80′s/early 90′s hotel decor feel, which makes it cool in a creepy ‘hangin’ out with the peeps from a Journey cover band’ kind of way.
4. If you wake up in the morning and your outfit is a little tired and lacking pockets, strap a pocketed ruffle to your butt and BLAMMO! Two birds with one beautiful fanny pack stone! It’s pretty much a detachable bustle.
5. Feeling as though your life is pretty tame and you need some time in the great outdoors to release your feral spirit? Strap this puppy on and carry the great outdoors with you always and forever! (Or until you take it off.)
6. If you’re not into the hydration pack scene, or if you need more hydration than what one pack can give you, consider this little gem. It’s got a place for all your goodies, plus the added bonus of hydration. Or booze. It’s your fanny pack and you can put whatever you want in there.
7. Be a hero, wear a hero. The comic book nerd in me died with joy when I saw this. But then I was reborn into a parallel universe and kept on going so I could finish this awesome fanny fucking pack post, y’all.
8. FUCK YEAH, CUPCAKES!!!!
9. I like this one because I’m pretty sure that when you wear big leaves, you don’t have to wear pants.
10. While I can’t say that I’ve ever spoken to Ms. Frizzle personally, per se, I can say that I’ve admired her as both a child and an adult, and I bite her style often. I’m preeeettttyyyy sure That Ms. Frizzle would rock this awesome pack on a field trip to outer space via your digestive track.
11. Neon is everywhere this spring and if you want to add a little dash to your fashions, this pretty little pack adds a pop of color, along with a place to store your toothpicks, chunks of meat, wallet, and a comb.
11. Did you know they make fanny packs… for your bewbz™?!?!?!!!! Me neither! They’re waterproof, too, so I guess I can keep carrying my stuff in my bra all summer! This one is a kickstarter, but coming soon, and I’m stooooked about it.
Are you rockin’ a fanny pack? Do you call them a hip pack? Do you have pictures of you in your fanny packs? (I mean like, pictures of you wearing them. If you carry pictures of yourself in your packs, you’re doubly cool) Meet me down in the comments and show me your packs!