It’s the weekend again! Which, for many of us, means going out, hooking up, and being utterly baffled by your dates. Luckily, I’m here to help when your friends fail you during your morning recap brunches, phone calls, and GChat conversations.

Again, I’m doing questions in the order I get them, so if your question isn’t answered… have life problems sooner, okay? You can leave questions here, e-mail them to [email protected], tweet them to me, or leave a question on our Facebook page. (Have you “liked” our Facebook page yet? You do know that you can win a 250 dollar gift certificate, right?)

I even thought about your problems on the subway.

My boyfriend’s father recently died. He’s upset about it. How can I be supportive? – MP, 24

I’m sorry for you and your boyfriend’s loss.

When people close to us are grieving, it can be hard on us too. When you care deeply about someone, you hate seeing them in pain. All you want is to fix their problems. I don’t mean to be harsh, but you can’t fix this pain. The only thing that really eases grief ? Time. Be supportive by giving him time. Understand that he may not be emotionally capable of being the most thoughtful boyfriend right now (but don’t let him take out his anger on you.) It’s not the end of the world if he forgets your anniversary right now, or if he forgets to call you before he goes to sleep. Try to do nice things for him, just to show him that you care about him. He might not express his appreciation right away, but later on, he will. I know that when I’ve been going through hard times in my life, I didn’t always show how much I appreciated the little things people did for me, but years later, I still remember them! Be sure to listen to him talk, but don’t force him to do so. Encourage him to stay close  to his family members who may also be grieving. If you’re close to his family, do nice things for them too!

I once heard it said that grief was like standing at the ocean’s edge, at the beach. Sometimes the waves are so big and so strong that they knock you down, make you feel like you’re drowning. Sometimes they come so fast and hard that you can barely catch your breath. Sometimes the water’s calm, and you can look around, focus on other things. Just do your best to understand what he’s going through!

How do I take sexy photos of myself to send to my S/O?! – Rebecca, 21

You’re 21, so you can legally buy booze anywhere, so I have no hesitation in telling you to buy a bottle of something. I recommend whiskey, or gin, because those are hands-down the sexiest liquors, but if you disagree with me, I won’t hold it against you. Close your eyes, and try to picture a sexy person sitting at a bar. What are they drinking? That’s probably what your subconscious thinks is the sexiest. Make one of those. I recommend whiskey on the rocks, or a Negroni, or any whiskey or gin cocktail that dates back to Prohibition, but you’re the one who has to feel sexy.

Pick out some sexy music. Make a sexy music playlist. Again, I don’t know what your tastes are, but I highly recommend the song Afterburner by Panda Bear, which is essentially six minutes and fifty seconds of pure foreplay. I would also recommend the song Every Planet We Reach Is Dead by the Gorillaz and Howlin’ For You by the Black Keys. Put your sexy music on while you’re drinking your sexy cocktail.

Pick out a sexy “look.” It’s cliche to say that it’s sexier to be a little bit covered than it is to be totally nude, but it’s true. It’s all about the tease. As human beings, we find being teased irresistible. Do you have lingerie? Or you could do something like an oversized button-down shirt with only one button done and no underwear. Hell, if you feel sexy and confident in pasties and a g-string, go for that! All that matters is that you look in the mirror and thinkdamn! I am hot!

Now that you have your sexy look, your sexy music, and your sexy cocktail, pick your sexy backdrop! There is nothing less sexy than a dirty pair of socks next to your sexy head. Personally, I prefer a bed with the sheets and blankets all tangled up because what happens in beds? (If you’re me, that’s eating, watching movies, surfing the internet, sleeping and sex but still.) Itsuggests things.

Now that you’re all set up, set up a camera with a self-timer. Start your sexy playlist. Roll around taking photos. Don’t look at each one till the end, just keep rolling around and posing. Pretend you’re a model at a photoshoot.Have fun with it.Toss your hair around, put your finger in your mouth, touch yourself. Feel good about yourself and your body and those pictures will come out smoking!

Just as a note, be careful when sending pictures digitally. Revenge porn–when exes put sexy pictures of their former S/Os online–is a real thing, and it can be really violating when that happens.

I recently realized I’m a lesbian, but I’m too scared to have lady-on-lady sex because I have no idea what I’m doing and I think I’ll be bad! – T, 19

I am a heterosexual lady, and my one lady-on-lady experience is probably not enough to give you concrete tips on how to please another lady. However, I have two things that I think could help you:

1) Watch some lesbian porn. I don’t mean the kind of lesbian porn that is clearly intended for male audiences, but the kind that’s for lesbians! A quick search on Google turned up a bunch of links, including this Tumblr (warning: very NSFW) and this list of resources. Like I said, I am heterosexual and I also don’t watch porn for personal reasons (though I think porn that treats people right is cool), so I can’t personally endorse these, but it’s a place to start.

2) Keep in mind that everyone is inexperienced with sex in general at one point in their lives.  No matter how much anyone brags, if someone claims that they came out of the womb knowing how to cause orgasms to happen, do not believe them. If you’re with the right lady, she’s not going to mind that you’re inexperienced. For your first lady-on-lady sexing, choose a person who makes you feel safe and comfortable, and I’m sure it will be a beautiful experience!

Ask me questions – the comment box is waiting for you below!

Written by Jess Mary Aloe
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