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Feminspire | April 20, 2014

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10 Sizzling Sex Tips For Mind-Blowing Misandry

10 Sizzling Sex Tips For Mind-Blowing Misandry

Ever wanted to make your sex life a little more misandrist? Of course you have!

Here we have the top ten tips and tricks for sexy, mind-blowing misandry, from our friend Kitty at the Misandrist Sex Tips blog on Tumblr:

10. A good way to break the ice is to show him that you two have things in common. If a random dude grabs your ass and tells you that he just couldn’t help himself, rip his eyes from their sockets to show him that you lack self-control sometimes as well.

9. If he’s been pestering you to give oral, tell him to shut the fuck up. Sit on his face to ensure he does so.

8. As you’re seducing him, tell him in your most sultry voice exactly where you think he should shove his privilege.

7. This one works great both in bed and out on the town: keep a spray bottle on hand at all times (filled with water, of course. Or maybe something that destroys tissue). The minute a guy steps out of line, spritz his face repeatedly and say, in a stern tone, “NO. Bad. Bad boy. NO.”

6. Try taking an erotic bubble bath together in a tub full of his male tears.

5. Men are to be fucked, not heard.

4. Remember: if he can’t cook or clean, and he can’t make you cum, he’s probably completely useless.

3. Tell him that a man’s proper place is with his face between your thighs.

2. If he tries to suggest new ideas for your bedroom romps, remind him that he doesn’t have any input. Then tell him shut up, lay down, and start thrusting.

1. This, above all: you are a goddess. Fucking you is a privilege. So make sure your guy worships you accordingly.

***All tips are copyright of Misandrist Sex Tips and may not be reproduced or used for profit without the specific permission of MST. The blog is purely a satirical one, and only supports violence as a last resort for self-protection.***

Thanks to MST for sharing their top 10 tips with us! Make sure to check them out and follow the blog on Tumblr!

  • CM

    Oh my god this is fabulous.

  • http://www.facebook.com/saritasemana Sarah Pires

    FLAW FREE.

  • Squeak

    Can’t… stop… laughing…

    Flawless list. Especially 9 and 7.

  • http://twitter.com/abbeybabbling Abigail Lewis

    NINE AND SIX DED

  • Laura

    I don’t really see how this article fits in to Feminspire. I can see it as a fairly amusing if one-note (not as in the tumblr sense) entry for a journal website like Tumblr. But it’s not exactly good journalism or well developed satire/tongue in cheek humour. I have no problem with aggression in response to misogyny but I just think this is kind of silly and awkward.

    • Lynne

      This is the core of what feminism is about, sadly. As much as they might try to pretend it’s not or that ‘not all feminists are like that!’ ever notice how you only meet/see/read about the terrible ones? Are the sane ones just too cowed into silence by the freaks to speak out or what? Or do they let bullshit like the above continue because it’s what they actually believe?

  • http://effortlesscool.wordpress.com/ Sahra

    OHMYGOD I LOVE THIS. I laughed out loud reading EACH one.

    • http://effortlesscool.wordpress.com/ Sahra

      5. 5 is by far my favorite.

  • Lynne

    Oh….you’re one of THOSE feminists. Damn, and here I respected you for ten seconds….

    • kat

      you know this was satire right?

  • Tyler

    In general I find that modern “feminism” is full of miandry, worshipping victim status and obsessing over the sensational like rape, while ignoring the more mundane buy arguably more imporant causes like equal pay for equal work. That said I kinda don’t have a problem with this post. I am good at cleaning, I love to cook and I also love to…eat out.

    • http://twitter.com/marlatts_lover marlatt’s lover

      Feminists who are “worshipping victim status” should be kicked out because feminists should be trying to empower women and thinking of yourself as a victim is one of the surest ways to become disempowered. The word used now is survivor; it emphasises a person’s ability to find strength even though life has had some significant lows. I also question your use of the word sensational. When conservative estimates say nearly 1 in 5 women has been raped, you’d be pretty cold to think concerns about rape culture were exaggerated. I’m also going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you don’t mean it’s awesome, which sensational can also mean.

      As for true misandry, as opposed satiric misandry, it has no place in feminism either.

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  • justmehere

    Well this is just awful and truly hope it was done with irony. This is ridiculously sexist. You aren’t a feminist if you claim to be one, because this is not equality my darling. This is full blown sexism. “men are there to be fucked, not heard”, if a man said this about women, what would you have to say about that. SORT YOUR FUCKING LIFE OUT YOU SEXIST CUNT. As a women I am fucking ashamed to be the same sex as you. You are the reason people think, and know, that the majorty of women are dicks. Its that fucking majority that gives the minority a bad name,

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jennifer-Elford/714525520 Jennifer Elford

      Um, this was a satire…..just sayin’…

  • FemCat

    UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PEOPLE WHO CAN’T FIGURE OUT THAT THIS IS SATIRE
    Kindly get off the internet until you do, because 98% of it is just that; irony, and satire. And porn…
    Thank you.

    • NoFuckinExceptionsToRule34

      Just pointing out, 60% of teh internets are porn. Maybe it could be ironic satire porn?

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  • Red

    So